I ONLY HAVE ONE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR

But it's the greatest underwear there ever was. Warning: There are a lot of bare butts in this post, none of them mine.

Jun 7, 2013 at 1:00pm | Leave a comment

I am only a total snob about 3 things in my life: socks, black tights and underwear. I’ll wear some cheap-ass ugly clothing here and there, but I don’t ever skimp on those particular items. I only want the best of the best. I kiss a lot of frogs in my quest for sock and panty greatness, but I realized recently that I didn’t need to keep searching for the very best underwear in the world, because I already know what it is. 
 
One word: COMMANDO.
 
I don’t mean commando as in “going commando” (a.k.a. sans panties), I mean commando as in the underwear brand Commando. Their line of seamless underwear is the only underwear any human (that either identifies as a girl or simply has girl parts) on earth ever needs to buy. 
 
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Tons of awesome panties at Commando.com.

 
Commando makes a dozen different cuts of their dreamy panties in at least 7 different colors and prints. They wear like a freaking fantasy -- the edges are 100% invisible. As in NO SEAMS, for realz. They cause zero panty lines even under super tight skinny jeans, never bunch up or rumple under clothes, and manage not to creep up or into my rather bodacious bum cheeks even after 12 hours of wearing. They are a big, comfortable butt hug.
 
My fave Commandos are these babies:

 
They are a little bit bikini brief, a little bit boy short. I have always resisted buying myself more than one pair because they are TWENTY. EIGHT. DOLLARS. A PAIR. For a pair of underwear! But then I realized that I had all these baskets full of cheap, uncomfortable underwear -- at least $300 worth -- and that I'd rather just have 10 perfect pairs of undies that I love. Like it would kill me to do my laundry once a week? So I basically only have one pair of underwear now, and I'm happy as a clam.
 
The Commando thong is THE thing starlets wear under their Oscar gowns -- they literally are invisible. As in, it looks and feels as if you are wearing NADA.
 
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Commando thong, $24.00.

 
If twenty some-odd bucks for a pair of underwear is a little too rich for your blood, I've got great news -- our lowly Target has a knock off of Commando's famous thong that is at least 80% as good. Sometimes in life, 80% is pretty damn fine odds.
 
 
The Commando panties I love best are this blissful blend of super thin cotton that doesn't make you sweat to death in the va-junga/bum-bum region. (They make all of their panties in a microfiber blend too, if that's more your speed.)
 
 
The only caveat I want to give to those considering purchasing these miracle underpants is that they may not fit you so great if you have an, ahem, wide or mountainous crotchal area. We found this out the hard way after purchasing a dozen pairs of them for an actress on a film -- the crotch panel on the thong and the bikini cuts is slightly narrow, and is uncomfortable for some people. 
 
All Commando undies are made in the USA. I wash mine in the regular old washing machine (albeit in a mesh lingerie bag) and they have held up just fine. If you can't make it through the spin cycle, you aren't allowed to stay in my life. These sweet lil' undies more than pass the test. They are welcome to sit a spell on my porch anytime. 
 
I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison.