I Think I Have Glasses Dysmorphia

Help me overcome my fear of leaving the house in glasses.
Publish date:
December 13, 2011
shoppables, fashion, glasses, eyewear, boden

You guys, I don't feeeeel goooood! All those es and os arent meant to signify an extremely annoying whining sound that is what you'd be treated to if you were here. HERE today is a hotel room in San Francisco, where I am to learn how to be a better manager. I got in last night, and so far have learned a lot about the delicious cookies in the hotel lobby and also was somehow convinced to wear a bib. A bib!

But the point is that I am sick and I have to get up and go about my business today and the last thing I feel like doing is sticking little pieces of plastic (?) in my dry, tired eyes. Luckily, I have glasses. Lots of glasses. Probably 8 different pairs, from the vintage ones seen here:

To this pair of Warby Parker Coltons in like 4 different colors. Incidentally, Warby Parker is an awesome place to buy your glasses -- they provide stylish frames + lenses for $95 dollars and donate a pair to someone in need for every pair you buy.

So obviously, I love glasses! I think they're sexy and awesome. And yet, every time I go to put on one of my sexy, awesome pairs of glasses, I can't make it out the door without switching to contacts. I think some part of me has internalized that old "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses" trope, even though I know that a lot of men love girls in glasses.

But... a part of me thinks that all those guys who say they loooooove girls in glasses are talking about girls who are already extremely attractive. Like Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba looks hot in glasses, because Jessica Alba would look hot with an old-timey mustache drawn on her upper lip and a pair of Billy Bob teeth.

For normal-looking women, glasses don't make us look any sexier. They just make us look like we don't see very well. And, incidentally, that means we're going to be the first ones picked off when the zombies come. My contacts are dailies! They're not meant to last far into an unforgiving future!

I think all those movies where "plain-looking" girls rip off their glasses to reveal a supermodel underneath have given us unrealistic expectations. Most of us are not hiding a bombshell underneath our glasses. It's just my face under there. This is as good as it gets, you know?

Anyway, for whatever reason (the trauma of being the nerdiest child who has ever existed?), I just can't bring myself to leave the house with glasses on. Which kind of sucks, especially on days like today when I feel horrible and just want to phone it in, apperance-wise.

Has anyone overcome a fear of glasses? Maybe it's just that my styling and/or makeup is too much? I do like my glasses best in pictures like this one I just snapped -- no makeup, hair pulled back, chillin' in my PJs. But I can't exactly go to work like this! Or maybe I just haven't found the right shape yet, although it feels like I've tried everything. Help!