I grabbed the blue box, and marched my soon-to-be “ shapelier buttocks” up to the cashier. This was going to be amazing!
London has been burger-mad for quite some time now and the foodie fad shows no signs of passing with the opening of American cult chain Shake Shack in Covent Garden. Add that to Five Guys, Meatliquor, Lucky Chip, Burger and Lobster and the rest and you’ve got a city that can’t seem to get enough of teetering, greasy stacks of meat.
Being a gastro-heathen, I’m perfectly satisfied with the odd Big Mac, but anyway, I was still impressed by Tatty Devine’s new range of burger jewellery for Summer 2013. There are two burger necklaces (one has more toppings than the other and a chunkier chain) and a burger ring and all are hand cut from walnut wood and decorated with Swarovski crystal sesame seeds. Super cute.
This collection got me thinking about foodie fashion in general and it strikes me that this falls into two camps. There’s the cupcake and ice cream cone brigade, which along with cherries, apples and strawberries dominates the twee, retro, crafty end of the market (see: everything on Etsy ever). But at the high fashion end of the spectrum, they seem to favour more challenging motifs – bananas at Prada, radishes at Mulberry, aubergines at Dolce & Gabbana.
It’s like, the more dour and unsexy the vegetable, the more determined designers are to appliqué it in sequins or print it on silk. I like that - the juxtaposition of a humble vegetable rendered in luxurious materials has a tongue-in-cheek playfulness that makes fashion seem less po-faced.
But let it be noted, I'm not talking about those notorious meat leggings (shudder, we will speak no more of them) but pieces that are altogether more tasteful (hahaha). Here’s the best of the bunch (hahaha etc, sorry, I’ll stop now.)
I'll start with bananas, because they are a ludicrous fruit. I am incredibly fussy about the bananas I eat - they have to be almost green (but not totally unripe) and without a single soft bit on them. I also need someone else to open them for me as I always mush the end up in my cack-handed attempts. So here's a crazy-jazzy-cool denim biker from Topshop that is smothered in what appear to me to be slightly-too-ripe bananas. The perfect accompaniment to a little black dress in the summer.
Topshop Moto banana print denim biker, £60, topshop.com
Followed by a coolly simplistic banana tee from Jaeger (only £15 in the sale, wear oversized with denim shorts!) and a groovy banana necklace.
I probably wore something like this fruity crop top when I was about 11. If you are young and excited about the '90s revival, wear this with my blessing, child...
Like I said, the fancier end of fashion likes being ridiculous with fruit - see this lemon slice PVC clutch from Charlotte Olympia. So silly, so cool!
Can someone with more money than me pleeeease buy this incredible Gianni Versace Vintage silk shirt? I just want to know there's someone out there in the world wearing it and looking awesome. Iris Apfel maybe?
But lo! Rejoice! There is a cheap(er) alternative - and just because it's technically menswear doesn't mean we should miss out, right? Imagine how cool this Critical Slide Society shirt would look with a denim mini, Raybans and tan leather sandals.
Not for Mulberry the whimsical twee of a cherry or cupcake keyring, hell no, they've gone for a solid, crunchy, peppery radish instead.
Maybe £155 is a wee bit pricey for a t-shirt, but it's got strawberries on it and a lovely worn-in, washed-out feel, so I'm keeping it in the mix.
I'm allowing one borderline-twee cherry accessory into this edit because a) these earrings are from the V&A shop which is one of my favourite secret places for amazing presents and b) they look realistic rather than cartoony and resemble those really dark, almost bitter cherries you get in really serious old school cocktail bars.
I can't look at these yellow, vegetable-covered trousers from Olympia Le-Tan without smiling. They're just so lovely. Add a plain white tee and flat black espadrilles and you have summer in a single outfit, in my opinion.
This article originally appeared on xoJane.co.uk.