WEAR YOUR FOOD: Food-Themed Clothing For People Like Me (AND YOU)

You don't make friends with salad, but think of how many friends you would make as a bathing burger.

Jun 21, 2013 at 2:00pm | Leave a comment

Kittens, I am no fashion writer. I may be an authority of unconventional ways to consume burgers and alcohol, but I can barely dress myself most days. Part of this is due to the fact that my day job involves a lot of sulfuric acid, which eats my clothing, so I mostly wear jeans and V-neck T-shirts from Old Navy.

I try to make up for it on the weekend by wearing lots of spandex and lace, but sometimes I'm just so lazy, I just end up wearing jorts and tank tops. Or I just wear pajamas. Or just a really big T-shirt.

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My favorite spandex and lace ensemble.

I guess I'm just bad at wearing clothing. Sean will stay in actual pants and an actual shirt until he goes to actual bed. The MOMENT I walk in the door at the end of the workaday, the pants and bra are off and the pajama shorts are on. So as much as like looking at clothing, I don't actually like wearing it that much. I love dressing up. But only for, like, 4 hours tops. 

BUT, food-themed clothing may be a different matter. I love food-themed everything. I love Annie's donut manicure. I love Lesley's ice-cream cone dress. I love Emily's burger shirts. Just like Emily said, sometimes you have to be the burger.

Obviously this whole post was inspired by this swimsuit she posted on Instagram. Obviously.

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Hamburger Swimsuit, $51.46 

 

You don't make friends with salad, but think of how many friends you would make as a bathing burger.

This swimsuit sent me on a quest/k-hole to find you all some awesome food-themed clothing.

This was the first thing I found.

These are the most excellent pasties ever. I'm not usually a pasty wearer, but I obviously need to buy these and get some professional photos taken. I mean really, I didn't even know I had a pasty-sized hole in my heart, but now that I've found these beauties, everything is going to be okay.

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Hamburger Dress, $238.32

I'm not a size four (the only size currently available), but I need someone who is to wear this and send me pictures. This is the sexiest burger I've ever seen and it gives me life.

When I was freshly out of college and woefully unemployed, I tried my hand at polymer clay jewelry. I was not good. I was bad. But THIS is what polymer clay jewelry should be. I love how the tension of the melted cheese is perfectly captured. I love the slight browning on the bread. What a work of art.

With these shorts, you can make everyday a pizza party. You could do that by ordering pizza I guess, or you could really live your life correctly and order pizza WHILE wearing these shorts. You are welcome.

SPEAKING OF THINGS WITH CHEESE. Your ears are lacking cheese in a major way. Now that I see that typed, the fact that your ears are lacking cheese actually sounds positive. Ear cheese sounds gross. 

ANYWAY. Put these on your ears! They're as neutral as pearls or whatever Lucky magazine says is super neutral.

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Serve It Up Tee, $59.99

The pineapple has three eyes. That is all.

Enough with the savory, let's get sweet. How cute is this business? Also: How slammin' is this girl's body? 

I would wear the donut lingerie under this dress. 

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Popsicle White Swimsuit, $90.00 (AUD)

I love how emotive the popsicles are, but why is the one on her crotch sooooooo angry? 

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Donut Crop Top, $16.83

More donuts. I mean, you guys are getting the idea. It's food on clothing and it's awesome.

Would you wear any of this? I would wear ALL of this.