One of my closest, craziest friends -- Krissy -- is about to have a baby and it’s totally weird. We've been tight since we were sexy little teenagers because we're both basically space aliens who love getting tan and smoking weed (though neither of us do that much, anymore).
And now she's going to have a baby! Like, tomorrow. Or the day after that. I don't know! Krissy once said I was going to be the godmother, but hopefully she has reconsidered. Scary, I know.
Here's the story of the pregnancy (or at least my version of it, so...): Krissy was once the biggest pothead I’d ever known, and I’ve known a million huge potheads. She has been with her boyfriend forever -- like eight years? -- and they never had protected sex. Both of them thought they couldn’t get pregnant (probably because of all of the pot smoking).
Then, just like that, seven years into the relationship, they did! And now the baby is coming.
Krissy always thought she didn't want to be a mom, but now she's psyched. She'll be amazing at it, I think. Krissy is super-nurturing with me, and is always cleaning my apartment and things. Cooking for me. And I love her boyfriend, who is the kindest man ever and once carried my sofa on his back up five flights of stairs. They will be the best hippie parents!
...I guess. I hope. I don't really know what makes parents good, if I think too hard about it. Krissy and Terrence are super-nice to their rescue dogs and even to their awful rescue cat who has a terrible attitude and begs and yowls like a dog when people are eating. Ooooh, I just hate it.
Anyway, that is why I know they will be excellent parents.
FACT: Krissy is naming the baby Brubeck, as in "living jazz legend" (per his website) Dave Brubeck.
Another FACT: She had to be convinced not to name the baby Doctor, which I thought was amazing.
FACT 3: Krissy and I used to sit around in my apartment stoned thinking of funny baby names all of the time, way before she got pregnant, and the best one was Bureau! Like, chest-of-drawers Bureau. Now give Bureau an elegant last name, like Washington, and suddenly it sounds kind of dignified and swanky. Bureau Washington. Right?
FACT 4: My favorite baby name is Keanu King Cobra! For a boy or a girl. I also like Dizzy, Ditsy, or Tinsley for a girl, but the good thing is that you can nickname a child anything and they can’t do anything about it.
Here’s the kind of pregnant friend I have:
Right? "If you have a nice set of china you soak it in bleach"?! I couldn't even have made her up.
Anyway, I’ve been poking around my nine million kitchen cupboards full of beauty products for baby stuff to send Krissy and Brubeck -- even though most “baby” products are full of poison, but whatever -- and I don’t really even have any to send her (she’s from Brooklyn but just moved randomly to South Carolina).
So I found a bunch of products online that I wish I was sending her and also they are products that adults can buy and love. If I did get these for Krissy, she'd definitely use them on herself. Not even on the baby.
I guess a better friend would actually order them, but alas. Krissy gets a special article. "Article."
Why use products meant for little children? Baby products are also fantastic for people with sensitive skin and allergies, or for people who don’t like heavy fragrance: they tend to be milky and creamy and soothing, and also really cute, especially when they are European in origin. Nothing gets me going like imagining a Chic French Baby and her glam little arsenal of nursery beauty products! I mean nothing.
Anyway, here are products to buy for yourself or the pregnant Krissys and Future Baby Brubecks (!!!) in your life, God help you if you are so blessed as to have them:
Umm, are these not the cutest things ever? They are called Dirty Birdie Bath Soak Packets, and they are about as chic and French-looking as baby products get. Oh wait -- they're German. I love the Germans! Yes. They are $4.95 each and you plunk them in the bath to make you happy and cheer you up and things. They are certified organic and dermatologically safe blah blah blah I hate writing stuff like that. Just know that these particular bath tablets will not kill you, or even give you a smidgen of cancer. Hopefully.
I'm also into this shampoo from actual France...
Christophe Robin is the ill colorist that all of the models worship in Paris, and now he’s also a consultant to L’Oreal Paris USA or whatever. Anyway, I love this extra-gentle baby shampoo pictured above: Christophe Robin Shampooing Enfants Corps et Cheveux, officially. I wash my makeup brushes with it. That’s definitely a kind of beauty editor indulgence, but I could be worse. One of my former bosses used La Mer as hand cream at her desk.
Anyway, I use this for my hair sometimes, too. When you want long hair, the more gentle your products are, the better. Speaking of which…
I cannot really say enough about Mason-Pearson brushes. I know you all are sick of reading about how you should have one in all the magazines -- and they are really expensive -- but for detangling, there is truly nothing better. I love the company’s children’s brushes like the blue one above (there's also a pink one!). You don’t need a big brush for your own hair; they aren't to use with blowdryers or anything. And one brush lasts literally forever; they are so wonderfully made.
I also covet these all-natural body oils...
Lafco NY is this super-amazing company that imports the most amazing products in the world from Italy and all over. My sister used to work in their marketing department or something like that. The headquarters is a store just a few blocks away from my apartment -- I cannot say enough about the place. Definitely go when you are in Manhattan.
Anyway, their Santa Maria Novella Boy's Body Oil and Girl's Body Oils, above, are all-natural and so chic and cute, in their little bottles. The boy’s is non-scented; the girl’s smells lightly of gardenia. You put them on and your limbs just glisten. Such high-quality, amazing products. I die. And I also die for...
Mustela! It is my favorite baby line. I obsess over anything from them. It used to be harder to find in the US -- like in chic little New York pharmacies only -- but now they sell it at Target or wherever. Drugstores. My favorite thing from them is the Mustela Bébé Hydra-Stick with Cold Cream. It’s shaped like a mini-deodorant and it’s just an intensive moisturizer you can rub on really dry or irritated skin, anywhere. So it’s amazing for winter. My beauty editor friend who has eczema put me on.
SO, those are the products (though I could list many, many more) that I want to get Brubeck and Krissy! She is due any day now, and I am so excited. Surely she is excited to begin her life as a NEW MOM. Who has advice for her?
Also, I want to hear your craziest baby name ideas. Or just your best ones.
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