All I want for Christmas are is... all of this stuff, thank you.
Perhaps I was working in men's media for too long, but I am learning new things every day I hang around this crazy hen party. Like some of you don't wash your hair every day?
I have been getting up every GD morning and shampooing like a sucker! Can I actually wash less without looking like I've had a relapse and spent the last 2 days in a hotel room smoking crack with transsexuals? (I don't know why, but there's usually a transsexual around when people are smoking crack.) [Aw jeez, Miss Emily. I can see commenters below saw this before I did, but yeah, I think if you said there was always a transsexual around when you were smoking crack (if that were true), then that would be a fact and less offensive. Anyway, great writing, great post, love you without the makeup, love you in general, always. --Jane]
So, this is what my hair looks like day 2 after washing and blowdrying the day before:
No makeup in this pic either! I don't even know who I am anymore. SO. Where do I go from here? I probably need to wash my bangs, right? Or just use some of that dry shampoo I recently found out exists? Do I spray something on it? Or put something in it? Won't it look sort of flat and greasy by the end of the day?
And perhaps the most important question: When you don't wash your hair every day, do you still get in the shower and wash your body every day? Like, you scrub your vagina and armpits but just don't get your hair wet? Or do people just mean that they get their hair wet but don't shampoo? And if you aren't getting it wet but you are showering, doesn't the steam of the shower eff your hair up anyway?
There's so much I don't know.
And if all this works, what should I do with my newfound half-hour in the mornings? You can choose from a) watching an episode of "Pawn Stars" b) masturbating c) meditating or d) write in your own.