My Problem: I Smell -- Like NOTHING At All (A.K.A. Alison And Her New Signature Scent Just Read My Mind!)

I have no idea what to smell like and apparently that's sorta weird.
Publish date:
June 6, 2013
perfume, men, smell good

Right before I sat down to write about a particularly eye-opening conversation with my boyfriend, one Alison Freer totally read my mind with her post, "You Are Very Special -- So You Totally Need Your Own Private Personal Fragrance, Duh."

Here's how the inciting incident went down:

I cuddled up to my man beast, breathing in his specific brand of spicy cologne and sheer awesome mammal scent and sighed, "You smell so good."

Then Ike goes, "Do you?"

I laughed because 1) that's the type of relationship we have and 2) I knew exactly what he was referring to. I didn't smell in the pejorative sense, but I didn't smell in the sexy sense either.

I just don't smell.

Perfume has always seemed like a rip-off to me. Why smell like roses or rainbows when you can just smell like, I don't know, life? Add to that the fact that my skin is super sensitive so I never used anything but plain ole unscented Dove to get me bodied.

Lemon verbena shower oil and L'Occinate aromachologie are all Greek to me.

In college, one of my besties, Dawn, worked at Bath & Body Works and I couldn't stand to be around her after her shift was over. I could just smell the crazy mix of "nature" on her, as if she'd been rolling in all the flowers and all the fruits and all the overripe coconuts. It made my nose itch. So much so that Dawn would close the door to her room whenever she was about to fire up one of those crazy scented candles, totally anticipating me bursting into the apartment and yelling, "What the fuck is that smell?!"

So me and perfume have never gone together, despite my self-identification as a girly girl.

Can those cards be revoked? Renewed? Because according to Ike, who allegedly violated some "man law" in revealing this to me, women who smell nice are considered very, very sexy, which DUH, but also really?

I looked on stunned as my boyfriend leaned back and closed his eyes, recounting how if a woman passed him on the street wafting the perfect amount of perfume (any perfume), she would instantly be underlined in his book. If two women passed him, both attractive, and only one "smelled nice" then that's the one he'd remember.

If the stereotypical way to a man's heart is through his stomach than what's the nose lead to? My guess is his loins. And both landmarks are pretty vital on the love train. So I've been reconsidering my zero tolerance stance on smell goods.

It's not like I don't have a few bottles of liquid sexy in the house, I just never use them. They were all gifted to me by one aunt or random coworker some time or another. And they sit prettily on my vanity just begging to be put to good use. Thing is I'm not sure that any of them are me per se, since I'm new to the fragrance game.

I have so many questions! How did you know your signature scent was "the one"? And what's the daily regime? A spritz in the morning? At night? Last time I was into this sorta stuff, girls were still spraying perfume into the air and then Beyonce-ing on through. Please tell that's still the jam.