I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
Pro travel and general life tip: Dress slutty.
I’m sitting on an 8:35 American Airlines flight to Dallas right now. The nice thing about being a slutty dresser is that I had an entire quarter of my suitcase available for the drawer of non-liquid makeup that I dumped into my bucket-sized, turquoise blue, high school graduation gift of a makeup bag, initialed AEK so that it really stood out in the high-school-graduation-gift-makeup-bag* filled cubbies of the Chi Omega bathroom. Crop tops and flimsy mini-dresses that are missing entire side panels--just, like…gone--don’t take up a ton of space.
*Most of which, coincidentally also have E’s in the middle. “But you were named after the Queen!” Wait, what Mom? Are you f--king with me, or did you just say you named me after Queen Elizabeth? Annie Diana I’d totally understand.
While we’re on the topic: ideas to up my makeup bag game? Think sexy--paisley in any form makes me vom junk that bears a striking resemblance to paisley itself.
My skin looks pretty great at the moment; day three after ending my five-day BluePrint cleanse. I was supposed to spend three days “recovering” and “breaking the cleanse” with green salads and melons, but then ice cream and sandwiches existed.
I did a damn good job during those five days, though. I admittedly cheated twice with celery sticks, which are totally on the list of approved cheat-foods that BluePrint sends on a little fancy postcard--but doesn't post online. Although thank GOD for the chicks that get it and have posted pics of the card, easily found via Google Images.
Once was during a movie (Evil Dead remake--don't see it), and secondly on Saturday, which for those of you who understand, know that that was some God vs. Abraham-type testing ish. Because I'm truly and incurably insane, I also made '60s-housewife-style sour cream chicken enchiladas as payment to my friend for filming my dumb hula hoop video that I hope everybody thoroughly enjoyed.
So, yeah, I think the cleanse has officially magic-keyed it’s way into my Top Beauty Tips. If you’ll recall, I was dealing with almost a month’s worth of rather intense activity in my unibrow after covering it with wax and spirit gum for the April Fool’s post, and then more mounds on my chin from what I’m pretty sure were busted-ass extractions. Hannah’s fairygodmothering me and taking me to the pros at Mario Badescu for round two when I get back from Texas.
Anyway, they’re all but gone at the moment. I still have some spots, but they’re in their final stages of healing, not at all irritated. HUGE THANKS, in part, to Kate Somerville’s ExfoliKate, which is perfect for when you have flaky activity scab things that aren’t shedding on their own. It’s the enzymes that melt them off, and the exfoliating beads that slough them away. This stuff rules, for real!
Right now I’m focusing on moisturizing because if there’s one thing that beauty bitches constantly and beautifully bitch about, it’s how, “Oh, the aero-plane just wrecks my delicate skin! It’s the air, void of moisture, not to mention that it’s ab-soh-lute-ly tainted after being circulated around from the back of the plane where the commoners are kept. I always have an extra ginseng masque in the pocket of my silk travel pa-ya-mas that I wear on the plane so that I can keep moisturized in that dreadfully arid cabin climate!” Or whatever.
Likewise, I’ll be at Psych Fest all weekend, which I think means that I’ll be exposing my skin to sun and outdoors for longer than it takes to get to the train from my apartment. Ugh, it’s outdoors this year. **UGH**
I threw in whatever travel-sized samples I had lying around, along with a HIGHLY ILLEGAL 4-ounce bottle of Blow Pro shine mist that I managed to smuggle onboard. What’s the illegalist thing you’ve ever smuggled on an airplane?
In the quart-size Ziploc I’m also messing with, let’s see… some vitamin C eye cream, vitamin C serum, a lotion/cream face bronzer, eye drops, “day and night cream” **OMFG THE PLANE IS SHAKING I’M FREAKING OUT**, some essential **AAAAHH** oil in a roller vial, some toner/face mist stuff, a cream cleanser, some “advanced protection cream,” SPF 50 anti-aging sunscreen, tan-maximizer body lotion, “waterlight” SPF 50 sunscreen, and a Pam Grier button.
I’ll let you know how it goes with said products in a follow-up post. Because why would I recommend something I haven’t tried? And also product pages are a pain in the ass to make.