The Most Terrifying Beauty Sample I've Ever Received

There will be blood... maybe.
Publish date:
April 4, 2013
fish oil, omegas, blood, needles, fainting, internal

So we get lots of samples sent here to the xoVain offices. I'm not going to lie--it's a dream job in that respect. Seriously, it's like Christmas. And I'll cut a bitch who tries to open anything with my name on it, even if it's something totally bizarre that I would never use like deodorant or vagina-whitening cream. AT LEAST LET ME OPEN IT.

So, yeah, totally like Christmas.

I knew I would be receiving some omega-roid oil that would make me beautiful from the inside from a brand called Ascenta, but that wasn't all that they messengered over.

What I didn't realize is that they wanted me to prick my finger to test my levels or whatever--something I've never had to do and am absolutely terrified to do. I have a vasovagal syncope reaction to needles, which is a legit way of saying that I get stupidly distressed whenever I have to have a needle put inside of my body and my blood stops flowing to my brain and I faint.

Yeah, I pass out every time I get a shot. It's not an attempt at cuteness or divatude. I'm a total badass, just ask Jane.

So everybody at the office thought that, rather than pass the fish oil tonic along to someone else to try, I should record the process. Brilliant. I put it off for weeks until I had nothing to post today and a bottle of fish oil and a spring-loaded Polly Pocket finger pricker staring at me from behind my pile of dirty thongs in the corner of my bedroom.

I enlisted my friend, the certified nurse to help. Observe:

I know I'm not the only one who can't do the needle thing, right? Tell me I'm not a total pussy cat (Hi advertisers!) in the comments.