3 Food Facials That Sound More Like Murders!

Cue music: DUN-DUN-DUNNNN!
Publish date:
October 31, 2014
dry skin, acne treatments, diy facials, honey mask, cabbage face mask, food facials, pumpkin mask

The blood and guts of beauty are all coming to a head in a Halloween tale of murders and victims. If looks could kill, you’d be convicted of murder to the highest degree of murdery, you gorgeous devil! And nothing says killer looks quite like Halloween-inspired facials.

Here are three gory Halloween facials you can commit in the privacy of your home.

Cold Case #1: The Blood

Crime Scene Victim: Acne. The filthy pimpin’ pimples got death by vitamin C.Weapon of Choice: Blood orange peel.Accomplices: Yogurt and honey.

Here’s How It Happened: Oil and bacteria were trying to get a bit too slick on your mug. I know how it is. We’ve all been there. Oil and germs canoodling, creating some acne bubbles on your beautiful visage. So, what did you do? You got even. You took 2 teaspoons of orange peel powder, 1 teaspoon of honey, and 1 teaspoon of yogurt and whipped it together and slapped it on your face, like a stone cold killer! The vitamin C protects and nurtures your skin while the yogurt and honey go on a germ- and bacteria-killing spree. You left it on for 15 minutes and then just washed it clean off your face with no signs of remorse--or acne.

Cold Case #2: The Guts

Crime Scene Victim: Free radicals. Looks like they never stood a chance, no matter how hard they fought.Weapon of Choice: Pumpkin guts.Accomplice: Honey.

Here’s How It Happened: The free radicals were getting a little bit out of hand, ya see, creating stress and wrinkles in the otherwise smooth and happy order of all things called your skin. So, in a fit of anger and desperation, you sliced and gutted an entire innocent pumpkin, warmed ¼ cup of guts in a boiling pot of water or in the microwave, stirred around the innards until they were merely mash, and added 1 teaspoon of honey. You monster--I love it. Then, you put it on your face and waited 15 minutes for the beta-carotene and vitamin C in the pumpkin to mercilessly desecrate those free radicals. The perfect crime.

Cold Case #3: The Head

Crime Scene Victim: Flakes. The unreliable deadbeat skin just drying up and hanging around in patches finally got it.Weapon of Choice: Cabbage head.Accomplices: Egg white and rice flour.

Here’s How It Happened: The flaky, gross patches of dead skin are just hanging around--not committed to sticking around, but not entirely out of the picture. Infuriating, I know. So, premeditated, you chopped up the cabbage's head into fine, fine bits, and then callously added 1 egg white and 2 tablespoons of rice flour. Then you smeared the whole grisly show on your clean face for 20 minutes! Vitamins A, B, C, and K worked together to revive your skin while the rice flour and egg whites killed off the dry skin and tightened everything up while you just relaxed into your guilty, murdering mind. Well done.

You got the sweet looks of a murder’s face. Happy Halloween!

  • What gross rituals do you do in the name of beauty?
  • Any other beauty uses for all those leftover pumpkins?

Photos by Oliver Al