I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
I’m going on vacation next week and just wanted less “stuff” to worry about. I feel like everyone has been getting Brazilians since Carrie Bradshaw accidently had her nether regions completely sheared when the Sex and The City gals were in LA--but I have not.
I pride myself on my self-maintenance skills. With a razor and Nair, I was convinced I was getting near salon-quality results. That is until I chemically burned my lady-garden multiple times. For real, I spent one day spread eagle in front of my air conditioner to relieve the excruciating, burning pain.
Since I am heading on vacation to give my mind and body a break and some TLC, I thought “why not give down-there the same treatment?” And nobody wants to worry about bikini-line trimming and straggling pubes while on vacation and rocking short shorts every day.
As I sat in the waiting room for my appointment, my hands sweated and my knees shook nervously. I had bikini waxes before, but never the whole shebang. I texted a couple of girlfriends my fears. Which didn’t really help.
I was lead into a small room and hiked my dress and dropped my panties.
“This is my first Brazilian wax!” I blurted to the aesthetician. My eyes wide and scared.
She promptly calmed my fears and told me that it wouldn’t be that bad because my pubic hair was the right length (the length of a Tic Tac, because you all wanted to know this). Apparently, you should never go in for a wax with wild '70s bush because it will hurt like a mother. It’s weird how it soon becomes a non-issue that you are having a conversation with someone with your pubes just blowing in the wind.
The first rip happened... and it wasn’t that bad. It definitely wasn’t an enjoyable feeling, but no tears.
The aesthetician worked away quickly. In the back of my mind, I had to keep a conversation going so she wouldn’t think to really look at my vagina. I mean, what if mine’s weird-looking and then she talked about it with all the other girls in the salon?
Things seemed to be fine and dandy until we got to the tweezing. Jeez, that was the worst. I started to get the sweaty-shakes from the pain as she plucked away.
But it was all worth it because, when she was done, it was in pristine shape. I was left with the advice to moisturize daily and exfoliate around the third or fourth day.
I was told that I would probably need to go in again in three weeks. It is usually four weeks between waxings but the first one grows back a bit quicker.
The first couple of days I walked around with extra confidence because of my shiny, clean nether regions. But I woke up on the third day with a horrifying surprise: it was covered in what looked like zits. I may have screamed in horror and shed a tear or two, but then I composed myself and remembered the advice to exfoliate. I jumped in the shower and scrubbed aggressively.
After I patted myself dry, things seemed more normal, albeit a little rashy looking, so I slathered on some Vaseline Cocoa Butter Conditioning Cream. I texted my friend who is a devout Brazilian waxer, expressing my horrors.
”Oh, that happens a lot when you first get waxed. Don’t worry.” Why wouldn’t the salon tell me that this would be a possibility? It is literally the most horrifying thing to wake up with grossness on your vajay when you are not expecting it.
It’s been a couple of days, and luckily, the rashy-ness has subsided. I’m ready for my vacation!
Am I the only one who waited so long before getting her first Brazilian? Anyone else have a similar breakout after her first?