I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
The first time it ever occurred to me that lip gloss could look awesome on eyelids was when I saw this photo of Cher in one of Kevyn Aucoin's iconic makeup books. (Ever notice that if you mix around the letters in Aucoin you get "u a icon"? Hidden truth!)
It's such a chic-as-all-get-out look that companies have started creating glosses specifically for lids, but a swipe of lip gloss or even Vaseline can just as easily get you the dewy-eyed look.
However, when youngsters these days (did I mention I'm an 87-year-old man who wants you to stay out of his yard?) put Burt's Bees Lip Balm on their eyelids, they're not going for an editorial beauty look, no. These fools are trying to enhance their highness and/or drunkenness.
Apparently called "beezin" for absolutely no acceptable reason, underage drinkers (and probably a few of-age role models) and doers o' drugs are reportedly slathering the natural drugstore favorite on their eyelids to enhance their buzz. (Buzz. Burt's Bees. Hilarious.)
Apparently, it's the peppermint oil in the formula that causes the enhanced feeling, known to most of us "Ow, burning."
"The peppermint oil in the lip balm is a very strong irritant and can cause inflammation in the eye, redness of the eye, swelling," Dr. Brett Cauthen told Oklahoma City Fox affiliate KOKH, credited with breaking the news on this absurd waste of good lip balm.
But according to a downright hilarious first-hand account and detailed explanation of "beezin" on Gothamist, the practice has been around since at least 2005, and the author, Scott Heins, had his first experience moisturizing his eyelids with ulterior motives in 2010.
"Beezin' gives you about ten minutes of minty, clouded vision and a f--kload of tears," he writes. "If you've ever dove eyes-open into a pool of Scope (who hasn't?) then you know the feeling."
SOLD! Just kidding--I still think this is really stupid.
Listen, as long as you don't hurt anyone, I don't care what you put in your body. I'm not your mom. (At least I don't think I am.) But this whole "beezin" thing just seems ridiculous, not to mention possibly more dangerous than the actual drinking and drugging.
"Cold sores are caused by the herpes virus. If you use the lip balm on the cold sore and your friend borrows the lip balm, puts it on their eyelid, the herpes virus could be transmitted from the lip balm to a person's eye, and that person could go blind," Dr. Kelly Johnson-Arbor told WFSB in Hartford, Connecticut, because now every local news station is reporting on these shenanigans.
Maybe I'm a total square, but I'm siding with the brand on this.
"There are lots of natural things that probably shouldn't go in eyes--dirt, twigs, leaves, food--and our lip balm," a Burt's Bees rep told the New York Daily News.
Hopefully, these crazy kids will leave the lip balm for those of us who want to use it as intended and go back to vodka eyeballing.