OK I ADMIT IT -- I Bite My Nails

Any closet nail biters out there who want to quit with me? It could be like gym buddies, but funner.
Publish date:
September 28, 2012

As an aspiring beauty editor/adult, I have a (literally) dirty little secret to share -- I bite my nails. It’s not out of stress, really, but laziness. I hate it when my nails start to grow out, so I bite them instead of just waiting to get home to properly trim and file them. According to the bible (WebMD), this behavior is not even common for my age group? Shameful. Also, nail biting has a medical name -- onychophagia. I feel truly diseased now!

I’ve tried to quit biting before with little success. I just can’t seem to leave my nails ALONE, you know? I’d love to join you and Zooey Deschanel and everyone else in actually living for nail art, but I can barely keep regular polish on without biting it off. Which, in the case that I’ve accidentally ingested any, is prrrrrobably giving me cancer. So really I am quitting now. I’m doing it. Help?

Here’s my plan of action (so far):

1) TREAT MYSELF to a manicure once a week.

Or make one of my roommates paint my nails for free! We’ll see. I may even slap on some sequins or fake diamonds that would be tricky to chew on, as like, a second line of defense.

2) Take vitamins.

I know prenatal vitamins are supposed to be the best for strengthening your nails, but the thought of taking them alongside my Ortho Tricyclen Lo is too much cognitive dissonance for my feeble brain to handle. So I got these Trader Joe’s ones for Hair, Skin, and Nails instead. You can taste the fish oil on them, which is not ideal. Beauty is small inconveniences, I guess.

3) Keep a nail file and mini clippers in my purse.

Just realized that being the girl who files her nails in class is probably better than being the one with her fingers in her mouth.

Now I need your suggestions -- have any of you successfully quit biting your nails? How did you do it? Any closet nail biters out there who want to quit with me? It could be like gym buddies, but funner.

Allie’s reaching out to onychophagia sufferers on Twitter @allierileyjones.