It's gonna get sappy up in here.
Today's news kicks off with a very narcissistic cupcake or a very stalker-ly cupcake, depending on how you think about it. The Arctic-chic skincare brand SKYN Iceland sent a mailer of cupcakes to xoHQ, one of which has been frosted in the Robot Chicken (or perhaps Celebrity Deathmatch) likeness of myself and I am:
- Super grateful for surprise cupcakes
- Equal parts delighted and horrified at my fondant rendering
- Super freaked out at the premise of eating myself now
I can't. I can't eat that one. I keep staring at it, expecting it to start talking to me like some possessed talisman à la the Wyatt Narrative (spoiler alerts, y'all). But look how cute the photorealistic renderings of the little eye patch mask packets are!
Anyway, good times.
Athleisure makeup = high performance sweatpants for your complexion?
I may have mentioned a while back at how much I dislike working out but I may actually have more of a novelty reason to dislike it (other than the nagging inevitability of my maintaining overall well-being and health and stuff) now that there is apparently althleisure makeup?
Tarte has dropped a makeup line that it is deciding to call "athleisure" which is essentially "sweatproof" makeup. So when you go to the gym, your makeup will help keep all your sweat in your body so you don't get dehydrated? Not quite. I remember Birchbox launched a similar concept with their in-house brand called Arrow — both are essentially makeup that can withstand a workout. Do people wear a full face of makeup at the gym? I mean, I hear it's a good pick-up spot, but this just seems a bit try-hard no?
So women are expected to constantly struggle to achieve a certain body type ideal and now we are also supposed to look all glammed-up while doing it? Where is the leisure part of this? Where, I ask!
Calling makeup athleisure is kind of like calling makeup vegan — makeup isn't high performance textiles designed to facilitate calisthetics nor is it a diet so we need to start coming up with more appropriate wording probably.
Cosmetic tattoos aren't just for your face anymore
Unless your face has stretch marks (hey, I don't know your life). The latest thing a tattoo can do for you cosmetically is fill in your stretch marks with color to match the rest of your skin to become camouflage stretch marks. Pretty neat, but sounds pretty painful.
This has become Brazilian tattoo artist Rodolpho Torres' thing, which you can see posted all over his Instagram, peppered in between posts showing tattoos with really neat sayings like "Life" and "I did it my way" on women's' necks and ribcages. Neat.
Shaving your pubes = more STI risk
Ah I actually remember during my sophomore year of college, a doc at the student health center telling me that I shouldn't shave my crotch because it would allow for higher risk of STI infection. This was as I was having her look at said crotch because a rash of in-grown hairs had me sweating that they were something more menacing (they were in-grown hairs from shaving).
Pubic grooming is always a gamble though, as waxing may be more painful but safer, since the reason shaving is specifically a no-no (other than it giving you a rash of in-grown hairs) is that it creates micro-tears in your skin that allow more bacteria and stuff to pass through. Opposite strategy: you can keep a full bush, which provides a nice cushiony pube-barrier against skin-to-skin STIs (this does NOT count as using protection but it's one of the reasons pubic hair exists, don't you know).
Jessie J lands her first beauty campaign with Make Up For Ever
Well this makes total sense. The music artist will front Make Up For Ever's #iamanartist campaign and has teamed up with them to create multiple makeup collections, all launching in 2017.
I didn't even recognize Jessie J here because I was so used to her signature Katinka Ingabogovinanana black bob. But hey, if I were going to front a huge makeup brand, I'd be all, "let's do all the beauty looks!"
And here she is, doing a sing-song about it!
Studies find that beauty products marketed specifically for Black women pose more health risks
So not only are there fewer options in the beauty market for women of color, now the ones that exist are potentially hazardous for their health?!
Well that's an allegory if I've ever heard one.
According to research done by the Environmental Working Group, they've found that less than 25% of beauty products marketed towards black women rate low in potentially hazardous ingredients. In an analysis of 1,177 one in 12 was ranked highly hazardous on the scoring system of EWG's Skin Deep® Cosmetics Database. The hazards in question involve cancer, hormone disruption, developmental and reproductive damage, allergies and other nasties that rank lower than the above.
To note, the worst-scoring products marketed to Black women were hair relaxers, hair colors and bleaching products. Also to note: out of the categories of hair relaxers, hair colors and bleaching products, lipsticks, concealers, foundations and sun-protective makeup, none of the products analyzed scored "low hazard." None! What the hell!
I can only assume that since beauty products for specific markets (like WOC) are considered niche, brands don't want to shell out for the research and development to manufacture safe/ethical products that they may not see a huge return on (compared to products marketed towards all women) but they do want to dominate that niche market at the same time. It doesn't work that way, people. Ugh.
- How do you feel about calling makeup "athleisure" (or vegan, for that matter)?
- Do any of you have cosmetic tattoos? (I got my brows microbladed, does that count?)
- Why doesn't Katinka Ingabogovinanana come out with a MAC collab?