Can you believe I've never worn liquid lipstick before?
Before we dive into the weekend beauty news update, let’s chat briefly about the most important news of all: THE KIMYE BABY.
As-Yet-Unnamed Baby West was born on Saturday morning, probably when I was dead to the world due to two bottles of Veuve. I learned the news while sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot sipping on a juice box and crying to George Strait.
Anyway, I think this rightly counts as beauty news considering Kim K. is, like, the ultimate beauty inspiration for the world. Do you have her app? You should get it. She loooooves products and her tutorial videos are really well done. Plus they feature my favorite Kardashian glam squad member, JOYCE.
OK, we got that out of the way. Onward!
Stars! They’re just like us! Specifically, Mindy Kaling!
Another beauty enthusiast, Mindy Kaling, showed off a selfie of the less fun aspects of skincare: zit cream. We’ve all been there, Mindy, spackling our zits with thick paste and hoping they’re all shriveled up by morning.
I know at this point it’s cliché for celebrities to show off their "real" selves on Instagram; we’ve seen Chrissy Teigen’s stretch marks and Tyra’s unretouched face, for starters. But then again, it’s a private peek that we wouldn’t have gotten on another platform. You can have the best skincare routine and most accomplished dermatologist in the world at your beck and call and still get zits.
Sia (thinks about) showing her face
Now, I’m not exactly sure why this is news, as Sia does show her face and has for about as long as she’s been in the music world. You can just Google it. You don’t need to watch her “un-wig” herself on an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show. (Spoiler alert: She doesn’t do it.)
Sia told Ellen she wears that face-obscuring platinum wig when she’s performing solely to protect herself and to live a life free of cameras. She wants to pee in a gas station restroom without someone following her, OK?
Here’s what she said: “If anyone besides famous people knew what it was like to be a famous person, they would never want to be famous. Imagine the stereotypical, highly opinionated, completely uninformed mother-in-law character and apply it to every teenager with a computer in the entire world. Then add in all bored people, as well as people whose job it is to report on celebrities. Then, picture that creature, that force, criticizing you for an hour straight, once a day, every day, day after day.”
This hairstylist takes fighting split ends a bit literally... with a SWORD
In the words of a Minnesota grandma, “Well, that’s… different.” Stylist Alberto Olmedo uses swords, a blowtorch and little claw-like razors to give anyone in his chair the perfect, most mathematically even cut.
“It’s a bit medieval,” he says. Um, no kidding. “Sometimes, you have to use a bit of your imagination to get the most positive results.”
My hairstylist friends have been sharing this video on their Facebook pages basically saying “SMH” to the whole damn thing. If I were to sit in his chair, I’d be a little intimidated by the swinging swords, but the chicks in the video look pretty chill. Also, the smell of singed hair is one of the least pleasant aromas, so I hope they burn some incense or burn some good candles in the salon.
In which I identify with British bathroom habits...
This is me! This is so me! Now, I don’t use Jo Malone hand soap in my bathroom (yet), but I am kiiiiind of choosy about which soaps I choose to feature on my sink. (Mine’s Aveda, obviously.) Is that weird?
Not according to British etiquette expert Wiliam Hanson, who lays out British bathroom customs in this piece for the (gasp) Daily Mail.
Hanson even gets into the age old bar vs. liquid soap debate: “Older generations will always have bar soap. Really top houses seem not to care about whether this soap is as dry and cracked as old boots, just so long as it is bar soap. But younger generations have now switched to liquid soap, although there remains a class hierarchy within the pump-action league.”
Maybe my fondness for fancy (even if it’s Target fancy) hand soap comes from years of staying in nasty boy bathrooms whose excuse for hand soap was a little sliver of some cheap drugstore bar that was kind of dirty and maybe a little moldy?
My girl Pam covers the last naked issue of Playboy
They’re calling it the #LastOne.
Of course, Hugh Hefner and co picked the iconic Pamela Anderson to be the featured Playmate in Playboy's final issue featuring nudity. Pammy has Playboy to thank for her rocket ship to fame in the ‘90s, so she was happy to return and pair up with (my favorite) photographer Ellen von Unwerth for the final shoot. (In case you didn’t hear, the print edition of Playboy is going 100% SFW.)
Of course, she had to run it by her teen sons first, and they were cool with it. They told their mom that now that they’re older, they’re not “embarrassed” of her and encouraged her to do it.
Pam shared her thoughts on the magazine’s revamp with Entertainment Tonight, saying, “It's hard to compete with the Internet. And the girl next door doesn't exist anymore. She's taking selfies down her shirt, like, you know, there's no mystery over there anymore. It doesn't have that same charm and innocence that it used to.”
I love me some Pam, and what I really love is that Playboy chose a 48-year-old woman instead of a girl in her early twenties to be the cover star. Esquire has a rundown of all Pam’s covers, and watching her beauty evolution from fresh-faced to glamazon is pretty cool. I’m glad she still rocks the skinny brow.
Did the littlest Jenner rip off colors for her lip line? I don’t know, but you can read this and decide for yourself!
I guess there are only so many shades of taupey-pink, right? Nobody got to buy a kit anyway, since they sold out in about ten seconds. Kudos to your marketing strategy, Kylie!
Let’s break it down now and have a nice little chat.
- Did any of you get a Kylie kit?
- What do you think about Playboy? Do you think the change is bad or good? Do you think it’s cool that they picked a 48-year-old for the cover? Would you be weirded out about seeing your mom on the cover?
- What soap is in YOUR bathroom? Do you think it over or grab whatever you see? Do you keep an air freshener or a diffuser in there, and if so, do you choose citrus like the British guy recommends?
- And most importantly, what do you think they’ll name Baby West?