It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I caved and got cable a few months ago because I was already paying an insane amount of money for internet service, so I figured, why not get cable and fall asleep to The Golden Girls like I used to do? I do this every night — thanks sleep timer! — and I spend a ton of time watching Dateline on dark and stormy nights.
But my favorite thing about cable? Near-constant access to The Real Housewives franchise! Beverly Hills, with its glam leads and insane drama (Munchausen by proxy? A trip to Dubai? Substance abuse? A divorce from Frasier? It's all here!) is my favorite. It has TWO ex-Days of our Lives stars, which clinches it for me. I know these shows are trashy and definitely staged by producers, but I don't care. I don't watch TV to learn! I watch TV to have fun and escape my boring life!
Say what you want about the Housewives, but you can't deny that beauty and glamour are a gigantic part of their lives. Have you ever seen Lisa Vanderpump looking less than perfect? Lisa Rinna may have those accidentally huge plumped-up lips, but she rocks them. I look forward to seeing what the ladies are wearing, how they're styling their hair, and how many fake lashes are glued to their lids in each episode.
The ladies have taught me how to drink endless amounts of wine, how to run a thriving restaurant empire, and how to celebrate myself, fake lashes and all. Here are the top 15 lessons I've learned.
1. You're beautiful. Know your worth. (Of course, not all of us are as #blessed as Erika Jayne, who travels to Dubai with her glam squad.)
2. Feelin' yourself is a necessary skill.
3. Life is short. Have the cake.
4. Don't let pesky tears ruin your makeup. Strategy is important when you're feeling emotional but also look perfect.
5. Be confident. Camille is never afraid to whip out her best dance moves.
6. Inject sheer, opulent glamour into your daily life.
7. False lashes truly enhance a condescending stare.
8. You can never have too many red lipsticks/highlighters/black eyeliners/fancy lotions. This is a safe space for grabby hands.
9. You can triumph over any heartbreak and look amazing doing it.
10. Exercise is important to feel your best. Especially when your main hydration source is pinot grigio.
11. "Ladylike" is in the eye of the beholder. If the beholder is the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, you might get a pass, though.
12. Even if contour and Instagram makeup isn't your thing, don't hate.
13. Give compliments. They make you feel good.
14. When in doubt, hire a glam squad. (Those of us who aren't Erika Jayne can turn on a YouTube tutorial and go to town.)
15. Embrace what makes you fabulous, as over-the-top as it may be.
- Do you watch Real Housewives? Which location is your favorite?
- What's the best beauty lesson you've learned from reality TV?
[All gifs via Reality TV GIFs]