We're Going to Mars! Which Beauty Products Are You Going to Bring?

One can only hope Kiehl's will open a shop on the red planet.
Publish date:
October 14, 2016
open thread, future, Space, mars

Have you heard?! President Obama says we're going to MARS by the 2030s! Pack your bags! Very slowly!

OK, so only a few very qualified astronauts will be going to Mars, and they probably won't be staying or even landing on that first trip. I think it's safe to say that no one here at xoVain will be one of those astronauts, but it's fun/terrifying to think of what beauty products we'd bring if we did go to Mars in 2030 as if it was a new JetBlue hub.

There are several things to consider, not the least of which is the fact that weight matters on spaceships. How many times have you seen movie scenes where astronauts had to leave something behind or dump stuff out? So let's say you can bring no more than three products. (And you thought the TSA was tough on beauty products! *cheesy comedian elbow move*)

Another thing to consider: your age in 2030. I'll be 51, so I assume my skin concerns/needs will have adjusted somewhat by then.

And finally: the climate and whatnot. Around Mars's equator, it can reach about 70 degrees Fahrenheit midday in the summer, which sounds absolutely lovely to me; however, most parts of Mars are way colder all throughout the year. There's a ton of humidity at night, but the air is undersaturated during the day, so my hair would be very confused.

Ultimately, since it's really cold and windy, I'll want to bring Aquaphor and basically cover my entire face in it in order to seal moisture in and keep everything else out. I'll also take along a cleansing conditioner like Not Your Mother's Clean Freak, because any hairstyling beyond that might be pointless if the humidity is all over the place. And for makeup, honestly, I think I'd just bring a good under-eye-and-dark-spot concealer like Maybelline Master Conceal, because that's become my won't-leave-the-house-without-this-one-product product, and I assume I'll always have dark circles and discoloration to cover.

So, assuming some of your favorite products will still be around in 2030...

What three beauty products would you bring to Mars?

Christina: "I'll be 40 by then, and I'll take Kiehl's Ultra Facial Moisturizer, Benefit They're Real Mascara, and a Revlon Balm Stain that I'll also use as blush."

Caitlin: "I feel like I don't remember enough of astronomy to answer this question. Aquaphor, sunscreen, and Touche Eclat?"

Dan: "La Prairie Skin Caviar Luxe Eye Lift Cream, Sachajuan Hair Paste, and Kiehl's Ultra Facial Moisturizer SPF 30. But I, for one, am not going Mars. This is hypothetical. Like, someone drugged me and put me on the spaceship and I didn't realize it was taking off. As you know, I am a creature of comfort and don't like leaving the west side of Manhattan. But if Obama is trying to get us to Mars, it must be because he knows the planet is doomed (we all know this, really) and it's time to figure out a Plan C. But here's the thing about Mars: it's not a fancy place. There are no restaurants on Mars. No Dubai-fancy malls. There is no running water. I'm gonna need some fancy shit to keep me going."

Tamara: "Kiehl's Super Fluid UV Defense because I feel like I could put that on my face as both sun protection and moisturizer, Glossier Balmdotcom as a multi-purpose product), and L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara because I could use it as eyeliner too, and maybe smudge it for shadow. I have actually used it for brows in a pinch, so there's that too! The only thing that disturbs me about this is I'd have no color products. Maybe I can just use the dirt on Mars mixed with Balm Dotcom for cream blush? Is it safe? I don't know, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

Hannah L.: "I would take Nivea moisturizer in the blue tin for all over my face, lips, hands etc.; rosewater toner in a spray bottle for a little bit of #luxurybitch life; and a Stila Convertible Color because those LED lights inside space helmets make you look kinda washed out."

Kim: "I guess I'd have to go with Smashbox BB Water (SPF, hydration, and buildable coverage), Sephora Collection Cream Lip Stain in Marvelous Mauve (which I would also mix with the BB water to create a cheek stain), and IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Makeup to remove it all and to use as a mask when I'm feeling extra-dry due to that Mars dust. By the way, I just spent about 10 minutes actually deciding what to pick."

Kara: "I would just take Tynan."

Beth: "I'll be 52 and my kid will be graduating from high school (I hope?). So fancy moisturizer and mascara and gin."

Jamie: "Totally just googled 'climate on Mars' and based on what space.com just told me, the climate is COLD. So also taking into account the fact that I will be 50 then, I am going to bring my favorite eye cream, Caudalie Premier Cru; sophisticated-French-lady Guerlain perfume; and MAC Lipstick in Russian Red because Mars is the Red Planet and look who won the Space Race, suckas!"

Lisa: "I will be 50 and am pretty positive I'll need my beloved One Love Organics Vitamin E Eye Balm, but will be rubbing it all over my face instead of just on my eyes. I use oils basically from head to toe, so I'll need a good oil that can be used on face/body/hair... argan perhaps. And mascara. Mascara is a must when your lashes are as pale as mine are."

Allison: "If I were to choose to freeze my ass off on mars I would bring Nuxe Reve de Miel Lip Balm because I know I would get chapped lips, Dr. Jart Water Fuse BB for a hydrating base and maybe a NARS Multiple? Some kind of sheer color I can use all over my space travel washed out face."

Maricar: "I would bring my Sulwhasoo Essential Balancing Emulsion, First Aid Beauty Cleanser and probably something with retinol. Having my skincare routine is very important to me!"

Wendy: "I’m gonna go ahead and be a giant Mars-y cheeseball with my answers. I’ll bring R+Co Outerspace Flexible Hairspray because I’m sure I’ll be twisting my hair into some Zenon-style ‘dos; MILK Supernova Holographic Stick (which basically looks like a moonbeam cast on your cheek), and ILNP’s ultrachrome nail polish in Cygnus Loop because it looks spacey and is named after the supernova remnant.

So, what would your picks be? Also, what's your favorite movie about Mars? That black-and-white gif at the top is from a 1924 Soviet silent film called Aelita: Queen of Mars, which I absolutely need to see now.