OPEN THREAD: Are You Into Patriotic Beauty?

A salute is so much more glamorous with artificial American-flag nails.
Publish date:
July 1, 2016
kiss, artificial nails, Red, White, And Blue, patriotic

I'm always astounded by the sheer volume of holiday-themed clothing that hits stores right before each respective holiday. I've seen so many July-4th-themed T-shirts being marketed in the last few weeks, and I just can't get into it. I'm one of those people who thinks it's ridiculous to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding dress because you wear it for one day, and I sort of apply that logic to July 4th garb — there's really only one day to wear it, and if it costs more than, say, a Seamless order (which, arguably, also lasts only one day), then it's not worth it to me. Plus, I kind of feel like showing up to a BBQ or rooftop fireworks-viewing party in a patriotic T-shirt is like going to a concert wearing a T-shirt of the band you're seeing. It's just not done.

Patriotic beauty, on the other hand, I feel a little more lenient toward, both in terms of budget and campy charm. If you are so moved by the anniversary of America's independence that you want to wear red lipstick, white eyeliner and blue eyeshadow, I imagine there's a solid chance you already own red lipstick, white eyeliner and blue eyeshadow. No need to go out and buy new makeup you'll wear for one day.

Not that there isn't an opportunity to buy patriotic beauty products. For example, Kiss has a line called The Collection, which includes the ultimate expression of patriotism: artificial nails with sparkly American-flag-inspired tips. I would link to a retailer, but I honestly can't find them, leading me to believe they are sold out everywhere.

Luckily, they sent me a set.

(Stand and remove any hat you may be wearing.)

OK, so these are not at all my style, on many levels. First, I'm not really one to wear my volatile levels of "America, fuck yeah!" on my sleeve (or my fingers). I also don't do well with super-long nails (though Kiss indicates these are their "Medium Length," which is madness); if you look carefully, you can see my super-short natural nails end before the tips of these fake nails begin; and while I love Kiss's fake toenails (I'm serious), store-bought fake fingernails (as opposed to acrylics) never work out for me because of the width of my dumb little clubbed thumbs (hence my thumb not being pictured above).

I will say, though, that if you're looking for a damn sturdy set of artificial nails, these Kiss Collection duders are the real deal. I'm currently typing this with the nails on just my left hand (because there was no way I was going to be able to type with a full set on), and I can tell by how they don't budge when I clumsily slam them against the keys that they are in place for a good, long time. They come in a bunch of other nail-art styles, so don't let the disappearance of the ones I'm wearing dissuade you.

And hey, if you can find this style in your local Wal-prefixed store, you can always wear them during the summer Olympics, too!

  • Are you into patriotic beauty? If so, do you go subtle or super-blatant?
  • Non-Americans, do your country's colors lend themselves to a wearable beauty look?
  • What else is on your mind this long, festive, mega-'Murica weekend?