What Happened To All The Marc Jacobs Samples? An Investigative Report

Beauty samples are missing and ruined. A criminal is amongst us.

So we've all heard about the Marc Jacobs makeup collection by now, right? You might have even scored some at Sephora--the products became available for purchase on August 9th. At xoVain we were all so very delighted to receive a generous package of samples a couple of weeks prior. We arranged a few of the products neatly on the windowsill and Instagrammed all about it to make everybody jealous.

Not that I'm accusing others at the office of being the opposite, but I've learned to stop caring too much about the free samples. I have too much stuff; if you'll remember, I can't even give it away. It's a space issue--a lack of space issue. And although the Marc Jacobs line achieved legend status at the first glimpse of a singular clear polish at his last runway show--effectively "ending" nail art (for a few days, at least)--I wasn't about to lose it and claw my way around the office scrapping for samples.

I did want to use a few at some point, though, maybe for a "Look To Try This Weekend" post. But by the time I arrived at the offices the morning after receiving the products, somebody had taken liberties with the makeup. Not only were products MISSING, but a lonely eyeshadow palette lay on the floor- one of the pressed powder circles CRACKED and crumbled. WTF, indeed.

It was quite the scandal, and people were pissed. We'd never know the joy of Genius Gel, or experience the flush of the Shameless blush. I was left with a nail polish in "Oui!"--a magenta violet--a glossy lipstick in "Seduce Me"--a raspberry pink--and the poor eyeshadow palette with the eggshell shade smashed, alongside a shimmery black and grayish taupe.

I tried them all on at once, because I'm a 13-year-old girl who just discovered makeup and can't edit.

The smell of the Lovemarc Lip Gel is delicious, like a really buttery vanilla cake. It contains the oil-of-the-moment: monoi butter, making for an ultra-creamy consistency that's not at all waxy. The finish is glossy, and I found that the product had enough "stick" not to smudge messily, but not enough to glue stray hairs to your lips.

What's there really to say about the eyeshadows and nail polish other than that they worked as well as you'd expect a high-end eyeshadow or nail polish to work?

The Style Eye-Con shadows applied easily. I got the coverage and pigment that I expect from seeing the powder in pressed form. (Isn't it such a let down when a beautiful-looking dark show applies with the lightness of a pastel and a pastel shadow doesn't even show up on your lid?) They blended easily as well.

I used two coats of the Enamored Hi-Shine Nail Lacquer to get to the bright magenta shade, as it looks in the bottle. It was thick enough for good coverage, but thin enough to apply smoothly. The 24 shades in the collection are GORGEOUS and are right on with what I've been expecting for fall. They're bright but have depth, with lots of iridescence and metallic options, like they'd been copped from a moody high school junior, class of 1997. I need to have "Blue Velvet" and "Ultraviolet" in my life.

So that's great and all, but the question still remains: WHAT OF THE OTHER SAMPLES? Who could have stooped to such lows as to deny their work "friends" the joy that is Marc Jacobs Beauty?

Was it the cleaning crew? They might have accidentally knocked the palette on the ground while tidying up. Sure, could be... But that doesn't explain the MISSING products. Whoever did this to the powder took hostages, and who knows what's become of them now.

Was it MADELINE who smashed the palette? With her high heel as she made off with the rest? Or was it Olivia?

Or maybe it was JANE, with a revolver, in the entryway!

Or EMILY, in the lounge, with a BLOWTORCH?

Or was it me all along? No! It totally wasn't. Who do you YOU think did it?