Publish date:
February 20, 2012
shoppables, makeup, drugstore awards, lip liner, M

Hey now! Happy Monday! Look, it’s a brand new week; no one, including


, has died -- well, that’s not true. There was that dude

Michael Davis

, bassist from legendary anti-establishment late 1960s Detroit-based band



Now have we all read

"Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk

" by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain?:

It is a definitely famous book and a really, really famously


book, so get on it if you haven't. It is exclusively where, quite honestly, I learned basically


about friggin' MC5 and all that; I don’t pretend to listen them or anything.

Or maybe I'd heard of them first -- to contextualize -- because the band's guitarist was married to Patti Smith for a long time, and everyone read

Just Kids

and all that and loved it [as did I. --Jane].

I didn't -- Patti Smith's not my bag, baby; never has been -- she was all about collecting scraps and being the ultimate womp-womp groupie and hanging around the door frame of the back room of Max'swatching and waiting to be invited in and living for the cool people that I'm actually into, after all, right?

And following them around and worshipping them and such, right? (I mean, she is open about it. [And what's wrong with that? Be open about everything. --Jane])I mean, if you're going to be a groupie be a groupie; be Sable Starr or something; don't mope around the Chelsea Hotel lobby dressed like a chimney sweeper and making necklaces out of lobster claws and eucalyptus pods, for Christ's sake!That's why I've never been into her.

(She wrote that good poem in Edie though; I like all that jangly rhyming of "Brian Jones/ glittering bones baby doll" stuff or whatever; I'm too lazy to look it up. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing.)I'll say this: At least with the book she finally did something for herself [Oh my god. --Jane]. But it certainly took her long enough to produce the damn thing after living that life full of that much interesting stuff and people, didn't it?!And I know everyone loves her and you all loved it. Even though I personally found it to be a bit of a snooze, quite frankly, not to mention short on swag, and predictably pathetic in the And-I-Would-Do-Anything-For-Mapplethorpe department. I mean, Lord.And she's such a style icon in her cloaks and B.O. -- I didn't make that up; it's in "The Warhol Diaries"; OK? If I was gonna use hyperbole and make up something about Patti Smith I'd go with "barnacles and a smock." Style icon.You know, sometimes chic androgyny is not a choice, my dears! Moving on. [Oh, this is a tough call. I wonder how you would feel and if you would write all of this if you knew Patti personally. You know that I am not into trashing people, famous or not. Famous and powerful are easy targets -- and they make themselves targets by being famous and powerful, of course. You can disagree with Patti's taste or not like her work, but the tone here seems mean and judgmental and condescending. I have made this note about celebrities I have never met and never will meet. We have changed stories or killed stories on that basis. In this case, we are talking about someone, Patti, who helped me make a decision about what to do when my dad was in a coma on life support, who drank tea with me nightly after that while we talked about our dads, brothers, exes, and someone who bought Charlotte her first pair of shoes when she was still in utero. (She practically delivered my baby and ate the placenta!!) A beautiful incredible human being and, in my opinion, a singular artist. I didn't do an intervew with a magazine not long ago just because I saw an earlier issue where they had belittled her. And now this on xoJane. Confusing. Not censoring. --Jane]"Please Kill Me" is basically how to educate yourself on the origins of punk; it’s fantastic and easy to read; anyone interested in pop culture should.

If I recall -- and incidentally where is my copy of "Please Kill Me"? -- MC5 lived particularly hard, and Michael Davis died over the weekend of liver failure.

So rest in peace Michael Davis. Let’s all protect our livers, kids! And that’s your obligatory “health director” [health critic! --Jane] piece of advice of the day.

(Yeah, that was a fake Jane’s note too, but she would have put it in there. Cat’s Note to Jane: maybe I am testing you to see if you read my stuff. [I read it! Was all the Patti Smith stuff part of the test? --Jane])

Anywayyyy: makeup. My point is, I’m relieved to just be writing about makeup today, not on A-list celebrity death or my own rather jejune little drug problems, and tomorrow I will be writing about THE RITUAL CLEANSE, so be excited for that.

But today: lip liner. Did you like my title? Credit to one of my main gays the Bushwick socialite Steven Klavier who taught me all about wrestling for top and what ABC means in honor of Black History Month (A stands for Accepting, B stands for Black…). He thought of it; he's so funny.

Today I’m writing about lip liner, and it’s taken me like 40 stupid paragraphs to get here.

I LOVE lip liner. I use it every day, and why don’t you, too? When did it go so out of style? Do we blame poor Kim Mathers?

I sort of like this look. So that said, thank God that crazy loser Eminem didn't actually murder her. (By the way -- that song "Kim" was CRAZY! Like, O.J. Simpson crazy. Read those lyrics I linked to! I didn't really remember. Fuck you, Eminem! Dumb woman hating bitch! I'm glad you're a freak who can't handle coming out of your house. Has-been. Loser.)Anyway, lip liner makes everyone look good, but it’s never in beauty stories anymore.

It used to be. Remember when you couldn’t read a fucking magazine in the late nineties/early 2000s without the obligatory expert makeup artist saying something like this:

“My budget beauty secret? Wet’n’Wild Lip Liner Brandywine 666. I never leave home without this amazing neutral shade in my kit. It goes on silky smooth and works on literally everyone. And the best part? It’s a steal at just $.99!”

Uh huh. If you are of such an age that you, I dunno, actually ever held a copy of Jane magazine in your hands when you were younger, you remember this ubiquitous product rec.

It was in every makeup story the way Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer and the Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler are today -- swag, spot-on, yes, but yawn. Though unlike those products, the Wet'n'Wild liner cost only a dollar, and so it was always sold out. ALWAYS. I always looked, at every drugstore, for years, and the #666 slot in the lip liner section of Wet'n'Wild at CVS or where ever was always empty. Did anyone else have a similar experience?You can still buy it. I have still never found it. It is still $.99. Here: order it. I bet it's fantastic. In fact, from the looks of, it is exactly the color lip liner I am into wearing -- brown, nude, nineties-ish; do you die (but I promise, somehow it so works and looks great)?! -- and I've been wearing random cheapies that come into the office from brands maybe you haven't even heard of. I'm particularly fond of this weird, fantastic newish-stateside brand called Essence Cosmetics, from Europe—Germany?—which is super-inexpensive, and makes a bunch of great things; I keep meaning to write them up.

I also really like their nail polishes, and they make good mascaras and lip glosses (I really like a spicy brown lip gloss they make; buy it. Nineties lips are back!)Anyway, Essence Cosmetics is (are?) (whateva) being sold at beauty superstore Ulta now, and I hear that Ulta is vaguely taking over the world. At least it seems that way when I visit my favorite lady, my Mimi, in Charlottesville—there's a huge Ulta, and it's always swamped! Anyway, Essence lip liners are also $.99, and I am particularly fond of this bad boy:...shade name: Cute Pink. There are other shades that are more "nude"; maybe get one of those, too. And just apply in little strokes to make your lips look POUTIER. Particularly at the BOW of the lips. Around the top and the fuller parts of the bottom (don't worry so much about the outer corners; they are tricky; do your best).You know -- it's for a POUTY EFFECT. Because it's POUTY TIME. EXCELLENT.I don't even apply them carefully: I just sort of apply around my lips lightly throughout the day to give definition under any shade of lip color: red lipstick, clear lip balm, pink lip gloss. I assure you it is an extraordinarily pretty thing to try on yourself.When is the last time you considered lip liner, fool? I want to know!Cat's on Twitter @cat_marnell. Barnacles, bitch!