HOW-TO: Hang out in Clubs All Night and Have Great-Smelling Hair in the Morning (Without Showering or Anything)

Yes, this is possible: gross, but true! Read on.

Okay, so the older I get -- and I'm not that old, but whatever -- the lazier I get about shampooing my hair. S*** is annoying! Like I have really long, thick chemically processed blonde hair and it gets all dreadlocked and terrible with each hour that passes, and I know that means I SHOULD be brushing it out and washing it more, but really it just means that I so dread dealing with the knots and things that I avoid washing it day after day after day. And yet I go out night after night after night! Yes, I am grimy. (U MAD?)

Accordingly, I'll have you know, I chose a very unflattering picture of myself to top this post with one purpose -- for smoking is not pretty. But I digress, so back to my hair:

Another reason I am lazy about washing my hair is that I am incredibly lazy about blow-drying it, even though I just blow-dry at the roots and in the front and a little at the ends with a round brush in the summer, when it won't freeze into icicles or anything on my walk to the subway as it is wont to do in winter. But no matter the season, blowdrying is a bitch, and I hate it. But my hair looks misshapen and wonky when I don't, which is also why I wear a lot of terrible hats. Anyone who has seen my weirdo Twitter account recently is familiar.

Then there's my nightlife steez, which basically involves being around a lot of people who smoke a lot of cigarettes all the time. Isn't that gross? But it is my life and all.

Everyone still smokes; the men, eventually, will all die, and truthfully they deserve it. The social smoker women (all the chicks I know who smoke do NOT do the pack-of-Newports-a-day like the men do; I smoke like three or four Marlboro Ultra-Lights a day, but still, they smell) -- anyhow, all of the smoker women I know I'm hoping will quit once they get pregnant. I'm several years shy of 30 and so are most of them (30 is the magic age, I imagine, when all the females in my life will start getting preggo) (and actually keeping their babies) (what?!), so we all have a few years to indulge in the fumes. Delicious, tobacco-y fumes. Ew, I want a cigarette. This sucks! Addictions: they are bad.

Anyway, the point of this whole rambling thing is that I am super-conscious of having CIGARETTE-SMOKY and/or DIRTY/SMELLY hair. UNACCEPTABLE, and luckily there are products which make it so that this does not have to be part of your Personal Aroma, even if you're sooo not into, like, bathing (well, I take a million baths a day -- which I justify, er, environmentally since I drink virtually no water) ... what was I saying? God, I don't even know how you readers follow my sentences; Lord knows I get way friggin' lost when I am writing them.


The answer lies within this bottle, right here:

Meet Clean Perfumes Original Dry Shampoo. It's $18, and it is crazy-amazing. It's an oil-absorbing, powder formula that you distribute at the roots of your hair, then shake through the length of it with your fingers (SEE: excellent dry shampoo tips from our MAKEUNDER with saucy socialite/Cat Marnell Obsession Summer 2011 TINSLEY MORTIMER) I AM IN LOVE WITH IT, almost as much as I am in love with this sexy picture of Tinsley Mortimer's perfect feet that she let me take at a NARS party:

Sorry, Tinsley; God, I am so creepy about you! But oh, what was I saying? Clean Perfumes Dry Shampoo: right.

This product smells like Clean Perfume, the original fragrance, which happens to be my #1 favorite perfume of all time. More often that not, it is how I smell. There are no floral notes, no citrus-y whatevers, no chic, like, masculine notes or whatever. I don't DO chic perfume: I like to smell like soap and water, and like shampoo. And then on top of that like cheap sunscreen and coconut milk. Soap, shampoo, sunscreen: My Personal Aroma.

But as much as I love this dry shampoo, it is not my all time favorite favorite FAVORITE make-your-hair-smell-inauthetically-clean-and-amazing product. That honor belongs to:

Narciso Rodriguez For Her Hair Mist. It's $33 but you guys, one bottle lasts like a year -- it is SUPER potent; like if you spray it three times instead of twice your nose tickles and you sneeze. But it is THAT good, ABSURDLY good, at concealing hair odors; your hair smells better after a few spritzes of this stuff than if you'd actually washed it, swear to God.

It's the classic musk scent that everyone is so obsessed with from the bestselling Narciso For Her perfume that everyone loves -- you might think you don't know what it smells like, but you do. Everyone loves this perfume; it's basically impossible not to. And for hair, the formulation is just a little lighter, i.e. SO. GODDAMN. GOOD-SMELLING. Sorry to damn God and all that, but it is!

So which one should you get? I say both, but then again, I get them free. It depends on if you want the dry shampoo effect WITH the perfume-y-ness in a less cloying way, or if you want your hair to just smell flat-out crazy amazing, perhaps a bit headily so. I don't mind the latter; some people are sensitive to scent, and I'd tell them to go with the most diffused-fragrance-effect of the dry shampoo. Got it? Good.

SO: What are your favorite disguise-the-bar-smell -- or, I guess, any and all smells (RESTAURANT smell is another one that really sticks to hair, no?) products? Disclose! NOW.