I’m Not Knocked Up, But You Can Have These Maternity Beauty Products When You Pry Them From My Cold Childless Hands

Whatever your particular routine requires, you’re likely to find a safer, inexpensive, environmentally friendly alternative in the maternity section of your beauty boutique.

Feb 1, 2013 at 6:00pm | Leave a comment

image

One night, after several glasses of wine (and bucket of gossip), a newly minted BFF of mine excused herself to go to the bathroom. Like any inquiring mind on the cusp of a new friendship, she opened my medicine cabinet for a snoop. A few minutes later she came bolting down the stairs. 

"Oh-my-god-you-didn't-tell-me-you-were-pregnant!" 

Militantly childless, I instinctively recoiled, "Why would you think THAT?"

"Your medicine cabinet!" she said. "It's full of pregnant lady shit!" 

You see, while I have no children on the horizon, I love, love, love maternity beauty products. Ultra safe, usually vegan and organic, rich with delicious smelling oils, there’s something for everything from my face to the charming dimples on my tush.

And as I watch these, the last days of my childbearing years, run out like sands through the hourglass, I will ever be grateful for those cosmetic miracles meant for those of you who actually are knocked up. 

I have long been justifiably horrified by the ingredients lists in mainstream cosmetics. Several groups rate and track toxicity in beauty products. Take a brief poke around the available databases and you’ll quickly discover that common ingredients in everything from foundation to shampoo are linked to cancer, infertility, birth defects and a whole host of unpleasantries.

One of the advantages of mom and baby friendly brands is that many of them avoid the dangerous ingredients all together.

My gateway drug into this world of safe and effective mommy-makeovers was a company called Mambino Organics. I initially came across one of their signature products, Youth Glow Omega Face Serum as a sample. The name alone sounded so promising, full of warmth and hope. I never bothered to look into the company that made it before I slathered it all over my face. A little went a long way. One tiny packet lasted over a week. A couple of drops of the serum were sufficient to cover my face. 

This was my first experience with the miracle of facial oils and I was not disappointed. My skin, briefly slicked with delightful smelling evening primrose, sea buckthorn and hazelnut oils, along with rosa mosqueta, absorbed every drop within a couple of minutes.

After a week, no kidding, my skin was less red and, there’s no other way to say it, radiant! You can imagine my surprise when I found out that Mambino specializes in super-safe products for moms, moms-to-be and babies.

I found a use for those more mommy-specific products as well. Their Canendula Nursing Balm got me through the tender weeks when I started running longer distances in preparation for my first 5k and experienced the chafing that many runners do. Their Moisture Me Body Toning Oil made a great aftershave treatment for the legs. 

It seems I’m not the only breeding-impaired fan of this line. Since I got hooked on Youth Glow, Mambino has added a variety of products that anyone can use in addition to their amazing maternity-specific core products. One of my favorite recent additions is the Cellufit Body Contour Oil. Pair it with their neato-mosquito massager and rub your way to more a more even-toned bootay! 

Realizing that there was a whole new world of products that I’d never even considered trying before, I went on the hunt for more treasures hidden in the medicine cabinets of moms. That’s when I discovered a company called Susan Brown’s Baby. The first thing I tried from this line was their Moisturizing Hand Sanitizer, made to be a gentle option for moms concerned about keeping baby germ-free. Purse sized, effective and great for your skin, this was a perfect product to use in a pinch when hot water and soap weren’t handy.

But the Susan Brown’s product I can’t live without is, without a question, their Sensitive Baby All Purpose Botanical Gelee. I use this stuff for everything. The consistency is a little weird. When you squirt it in your hand, you may find that the oils in it look separated and there’s a slightly granulated texture, but all of that goes away when you rub your hands together.

In short, I use it like most people use petroleum jelly, but without guilt that I’m putting a disgusting petro product into my body. I reach for this to solve chapped lips, dry feet and winter skin. Swollen fingers? Get that ring right off by slathering this superpowered gelee on and working the offending jewelry off. I find new uses for this product every single day it seems and it lasts forever. 

And last but not least, I recently discovered a company called Novena Maternal Skincare. Everything in this line is absolutely safe, making it a favorite for the very safety-conscious.

My favorite for this line is the Organic Cucumber Cranberry Eye Gel. Formulated as an eye-perking pick-me-up for sleepless moms, this product doesn’t differentiate between its intended clientele and folks like me, who use it after a long night in a club. I also like their Organic Beauty Breast Cream, which my boyfriend so courteously offered to apply for me if my hands were “tired.” What a gentleman!  

Here’s the point: Whatever your particular routine requires, you’re likely to find a safer, inexpensive, environmentally friendly alternative in the maternity section of your beauty boutique. You can enjoy all of these products without dirty diapers or the inconvenience of 3 AM wake-up calls from an insistent teacup-human begging to be fed.