Fine -– “My Night of 3 Face Masks.” Whatever! PLUS: exclusive photos of NYC HURRICANE DEVASTATION! Read on.
Publish date:
August 29, 2011
shoppables, acne, skincare, face masks, painkillers, hurricanes, the Adult Acne Diaries

Hurricane Irene could not have BEEN more boring for me, you guys. Basically I spent the entire thing cooped up in my friend’s apartment using all of her and her roommate’s beauty products (which are all excellento, as they are both my former colleagues at Lucky magazine, and Lucky beauty obviously knows wassup!).

I drank a lot of hot cocoa even though it was f-ing hot outside and being inside wasn’t even cozy, since the whole world was so MOIST, and then the CEILING started DRIPPING ON ME. This vile yellow water, look:

Finally, to endure all this hell, I popped a few percocets that I keep in my purse for such emergency situations so I could nod off like all the sweet little junkies who nap sitting up at the bus stop around the corner from the building and, not unlike them, make the time pass. It totally worked!

(DISCLAIMER: Do not take illegally purchased prescription painkillers to get through the tedium of a hurricane. Only I am allowed to do that! …And there’s your health news for the day. Incidentally, isn’t it about time the “health” part of my beauty and health director title was stripped from me? I’m dying to shake it; I feel like such a fraud! Just kidding -- I don't feel anything, ever! HAHAHA, no, I am joking still.)

ANYWAY, back to what I am actually interested in writing about: HOW TO BE BETTER AND BETTER-LOOKING, i.e., “beauty.” Face masks. In the photo above, I am in fact wearing one: No, my bare skin does not naturally look all chunkily lubricated like that, although I know you did a double take.

That mask that I am wearing is the Tata Harper Skincare Resurfacing Mask:

What is a Tata? It is a whimsical facialist lady, who comes from the blowsy Alps. No, I made the last part up, especially since I'm pretty sure blowsy is an insult. Tata Harper is from ... goddammit, I have to Google again! Being a journalist is so effing annoying; I want to kill myself. Hold on.

Oh. WELL, it turns out that Tata Harper is from a 1,200-acre farm in Vermont, where she grows all of her all-natural skincare ingredients and then mooshes them into delightful $55 face masks just so. Yes, $55! Big deal! You and I both know that you've spent that on a bag of blow, and besides, my dad taught me the value of money and I HATE my dad! CASE CLOSED.

This mask is full of the good stuff, like tingly pomegranate enzymes, gently exfoliating white willow and pink French clay (GLAMMMM-OR-OUSSSS!) to suck everything out of your pores. I LOVE THIS MASK! It is extra-glowifying and sexy. NEXT.

The second face mask that I used was Dermalogica MediBac Clearing Sebum Clearing Masque:

It's a cooling clay mask for acne sufferers like moi (though truth be told, the acne has all but cleared up lately). Dermalogica products are generally THE JUMPOFF. My fashion-y editor friend uses them the way I used to use prescription stimulants -- obsessively, and VERY loyally -- and her skin is ridic glowy and amazing at all times, with zero pores and weird undereyes that look like they have concealer on them when they in fact absolutely do not.

All this even though -- like many fashion-y people -- my friend wears zero makeup. This also might account for her PERFECT skin. But her favorite Dermalogica products, incidentally, are Active Moist (an oil-free yet super-dewifying moisturizer) and the famous Daily Microfoliant (these gritty dry flakes that you massage into your skin).

But back to this face mask: It worked like crazy to de-gunk my face; I just know it did. I woke up Sunday afternoon (after staying up all night watching the damn rain and wishing I was at a f*&king party) with clearer skin than I went to sleep with. Ya heard?

Wait, can we take a break from all this getting-boring facial talk to observe the devastation of Hurricane Irene to New York City proper? ACK:

DID THIS ... BRANCH, OR WHATEVER -- DID THIS FERN DERSERVE TO DIE?! See, this is why I can't find a higher power every time I go to rehab! If there is a God, He is trés cruel.

Finally, the last mask I used on the night of Hurricane Boring (which flooded Vermont, it turns out -- I hope Tata's farm is okay!) was Kate Somerville QUENCH Hydrating Mask:

It is paraben and sulfate-free, things I don't care about for health purposes, but instead increasingly so because I have found that the very best skincare brands just don't fill their products with that shiz anymore! It's true. Also, I like a face mask that claims to be super all-good so I can demand that its creator TASTE IT in front of me!

This is one of my favorite deskside appointment challenges (a deskside is when the beauty companies come to your office with products -- not that I am ever in the office for more than two hours a day). For those of you who say that such an appointment shouldn't BE a challenge, for anyone involved, I say YOU try being in editorial beauty for eight solid years now -- since the days of college internships. It gets boring, and you invent crazy and wicked games.

ANYWAY. Back to the Kate Somerville. We all know who she is by now, right? Basically she's up there right behind Ole Henrikson and Sonya Dakar as one of the best facialists in Los Angeles, though she is significantly younger than those two aforementioned gurus (Ole and Sonya -- I have met them both personally, and OH, how I BOW DOWN). I have also met Kate personally and she's lovely, with crazy-fantastic skin that belongs in a Vermeer painting or something.

This product, her QUENCH mask, is MOST excellent: it's a clear, liquid-y gel that you smooth on and just let sit there beautifully moisturizing and plumping everything up. It will never break you out, and it is so excellent even if you have very sensitive skin. It's very good pre-party, which I definitely thought about grouchily as I sat on my friend's sofa, NOT preparing to go to a party, all Saturday night.

And that's it! What did YOU do during the hurricane? And what's your favorite face mask? I read all your comments so let's GO. I almost called you bitches, but I stopped myself. MWAH.