Oh, don't pretend like you don't have one!
I can’t express how much I love True Romance. The Quentin Tarantino-penned, Tony Scott-directed movie is basically everything I could ever want in a film: sex, drugs, Dennis Hopper, kung-fu, pie, and the most devastatingly cute love story ever.
Clarence and Alabama are everything. In the scene after he kills Drexl, the racially confused, scar-faced pimp played by Gary Oldman, Alabama sobs to Clarence about how “romantic” that was. If you think about it, though, somebody killing your abusive pimp for you is pretty dreamy. It also doesn’t hurt that it’s Christian Slater.
Patricia Arquette plays Alabama and is so cute it hurts a little. I have coveted those crooked little teeth, bubbly laugh, and perfect breasticles since my first viewing. Although my teeth are straight (damn you, Dad, for paying for orthodontics! I kid, I kid), my laugh is way huskier/louder/irritating, and my boobs aren’t that big and perfect (why when you gain 30 pounds in seven years does it never EVER go to your tits?).
For the last five years or so, I have kept Alabama on the back burner as an amazing Halloween costume, but my hair hasn’t been quite the right length or cut until now (I know I could have used a wig, but I can’t stand the itching vibes). The time is nigh, and this is the Halloween I will unveil my perfect Alabama. I asked my boyfriend to be Clarence, to which he replied, "No couples costumes, thx." Super!
Mrs. Worley is actually an extremely easy costume to pull off, with a few key elements.
Alabama was clearly digging a hybrid of Cherie Currie/Farrah Fawcett, with her perfectly flipped, platinum do.
After blow-drying my hair straight with a middle (ew on me) part, I used a straightener to flip out my bangs that are growing out, and the layers below that, while curling the bottom of my hair under.
‘Bama’s skin was--even when she was getting the crap beat out of her by James Gandolfini’s (RIP) Virgil--always satiny perfection. I used a healthy dollop of Giorgio Armani’s Face Fabric, which is my new obsession. How did I ever live without this? I used to be turned off by foundation and now it’s a major turn-on, just like Alabama’s, which are: Mickey Rourke [and] a man who can appreciate the finer things in life, like sugar.
My current eyeshadow crush is Chanel’s Ombre Essentielle in Hasard; the oh-so-perfect lavender/grey/mauve to make your eyes look just a bit more deep-set and give you that tired-in-a-sexy-way lid. I mean, Alabama’s life was a little complex immediately following her marriage to Clarence, don’t you think? Running for your life from gangsters trying to retrieve their stolen bricks of coke can make any girl a little purple around her orbs.
I shaded my lid and contoured above my eyeball with it. I finished the eye with a heavy line of MAC’s Powerpoint eye pencil in Bountiful Brown to beef up my lash line and add a little bronziness to the look. After that. a few swipes of Great Lash in Black Brown on the top lashes only and okie dokey doggie daddy, you’re done!
Alabama probably smells like strawberries and bubble gum, so I went for a soft, peach blush, high on the apples of my cheeks. NARS Sex Appeal is the perfect compliment to her sweetness and sunshine. (Don’t get me wrong--she’s also a bad motherf&^%er. Hello wine key incident!)
The lips are probably the most important part of Alabama’s makeup. She likes them juicy as hell and fire engine red. Tom Ford’s Lip Gloss in Lost Cherry (genius name) couldn’t be any more perfect for ‘Bama. It looks like lacquer without being sticky, and smells like vanilla.
Now throw on a peasant blouse, some animal-print pants, and a pair of door-knocker earrings, and you’ve got the easiest Halloween costume ever. So easy it might be my new everyday look.
I’ll leave you with my favorite ‘Bama quote from the movie, which is the opening monologue:
I had to come all the way from the highways and byways of Tallahassee, Florida, to Motor City, Detroit, to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And to this day, the events that followed all seem like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and everything seemed so sh*tty. And he'd say, "That's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is. Usually, that's the way it goes. But every once in awhile, it goes the other way, too.