Oh, don't pretend like you don't have one!
You guys know how much I love Star Trek, right? Enough to mention in in my xoVain author bio, and enough to crack jokes about it in, like, 80% of the stories I’ve written.
Though I’m primarily a Next Generation girl (Captain Picard forever), the original series has a special place in my heart. Sure, it’s a little cheesy and goofy. But it’s fun, and it’s heart is in the right place. It’s also remarkably progressive for it’s time. Women serving as officers in Starfleet! Racial integration! A vision of the future based on exploration, not war or conquest! A future where science wins out over religion!
And that’s just the broad strokes. I could talk about Khan, the genetically superior human, being a man of colour (in the sixties!) for DAYS. But then I’d also end up talking a lot about Space Seed and Wrath, and how I feel like Kirk did Khan a serious solid by not hauling his evil ass back to Earth to stand trial, and how was he repaid? By Ricardo Montalban’s pecs turning around and totally screwing him over! And THEN we’d have to talk about Into Darkness, which I loved on one level and had serious problems with on another.
I care a lot about Star Trek, is what I’m saying. It would be a problem if it wasn’t so awesome.
I was watching some old episodes over the weekend, and I realised how many really bold makeup looks are in the original series (hereafter abbreviated as TOS). Even though I could go through every episode and probably pick out two or three Best Looks, I limited myself to 10 of the greatest, as well as some ideas of how to recreate them in real life.
Let’s count them down!
10. Space hippy, The Way To Eden.
According to the internet, this babe didn’t even have a name. But out of six really irritating characters, she was by far the one with best hair.
I love the sideswept, lightly curled ponytail and the bold scrunchie. And you all know how much we love scrunchies at xoVain--obviously this woman is on Scrunchie Team Cressida.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: Keep your nails well-shaped but with only shiny, clear polish. Pull all your hair over to one side and hold tight with a dramatic scrunchie. Finish up with some little chic ear curls, then go join a space cult. Except don’t really do that last part.
9. The Metron, Arena.
When it comes to captains-of-the-ships-transported-to-a-planet-to-fight episodes, I’m going to pick Damok (TNG) over Arena every freaking time. I mean, it’s got Patrick Stewart retelling the tale of Gilgamesh in it. But one thing it doesn’t have are glamourous aliens in lace-up gladiator sandals and glittery dresses.
The Metrons aren’t portrayed terribly positively in this episode, but damn, their beauty game is on point.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: I mean, you’ve gotta be pretty brave here. It’s hard to get a close look at the Metron’s makeup, but from what I could tell from the HD epsiodes, he’s got gunmetal grey eyeshadow up to his brows, coral eyeshadow and apricot orange lipgloss. Curl your bangs into thick sausage curls all facing the same direction for the full effect.
8. Sylvia, Catspaw.
This is really obviously a Halloween episode--isn’t it nice to know we still celebrate that in the future?--but it’s still pretty fun. This was my favourite episode as a kid, probably because I was really into the idea of a cat wearing a diamond necklace.
But I digress. OK, so maybe Sylvia’s true form was a bug. Maybe she was kind of torture-happy for no reason. But her humanoid form had the right ideas about hair and makeup.
I kind of get Young-Sylvia-Fine-From-The-Nanny vibes from her, don’t you?
TO BOLDLY GO get this look: I’m big into teased curls and minty green eyeshadow. Make sure the shadow is very vibrant--no subtle washes of colour here--and worn up to, but not over, the crease. You want it on the mobile lid only. Worn with pastel pink lipgloss and a big diamond necklace, and you’d be perfect. And I mean, you don’t HAVE to create a medieval castle with your transmuter, but it certainly provides the right kind of atmosphere for your beauty.
7. Yeoman Martha Landon, The Apple.
A confession: I couldn’t remember what this episode was called right off the top of my head. Forgive me, Trekkie Fathers, for I have sinned. I spent a lot of time googling “Pink aliens controlled by computer” and “Unfortunate white eyeliner situation Star Trek.”
You can see what I mean by that. Not great. But Yeoman Martha! Talk about flawless!
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: Cat eye liner and cut crease shadow extending almost to the edge of the brow are essential, but what’s even more essential is the perfect ponytail and braided hairpiece. Learn how to make one of those here.
A fake flower behind one’s ear is always chic, especially if said flower is given to you by a race of ever-youthful aliens taking orders from an evil subterranean computer.
6. Khan Noonien Singh, Space Seed.
I mean...when I’m awoken from my frozen slumber, I know that I want to be dressed as much like late '90s J.Lo as possible. Bronzer and smoky eyes NOT optional.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: Come on, who doesn’t want to pull off a plunging neckline? If you aren’t maybe as pectorally gifted as Ricardo Montalban, or you’re just wondering when I’m going to talk about glitter, add some interest to your decolletage with some light shimmer powder! I love MAC Illuminating Powder, and I know it would shimmer on my decolletage just perfectly as I plan my conquest of the universe.
5. Christine Chapel, What Are Little Girls Made Of?
Nurse Chapel had a rough start. Her fiancee is lost, presumed dead, only to be found again as a homicidal android bent on populating the universe with other androids! What’s a girl to do?
Look freaking flawless, that’s what. I mean, you’ve got to come back in twenty years and play Lwaxana Troi, hero of my life.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: I’m not going to tell you to go out and bleach your hair platinum blonde, but aren’t you tempted, seeing this curled and teased perfection? I know that I am. Keep your brows thick but very light-coloured--maybe even cover them up and redraw them--and make sure your sharp cat-eye liner is straight and thick; your lips glossy and rose-coloured, and you’re perfect. It’s not enough to seduce Spock, but still pretty amazing.
4. Dr. Miranda Jones, Is There in Truth No Beauty?
I love any episodes where the crew wears funny outfits, and this one features giant visors.
But take off the visor, and you have Dr. Miranda Jones: telepath, Medusan assistant, wearer of fierce hairstyles and bold clips.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: It looks like Dr. Miranda is wearing a hairpiece to form that rad “twist” up on top of her head, but you should be able to recreate it by twirling a front section of your hair into a long sausage, curling it up as if you were going to pin it into a bun, and then pinning the long ends behind. Or you could always just pin a sparkly clip in the front of your hair, throw on some giant fake eyelashes (and a mesh dress) and call it a day.
(Also, if you’re wondering why on Dr. Jones looks so familiar, it’s because she’s also Dr. Pulaski in TNG!)
3. Evil Uhura, Mirror Mirror.
So OK, you’re from an evil parallel universe. You enjoy showing off your midriff and wearing gold sashes--who doesn’t? But if you’re going to do intense accessories, you need awesome makeup to go along with it.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: Nichelle Nichols is human perfection. Just wanted to get that out of the way. Besides her perfect curly beehive with baby bangs, her eye makeup is the key to this look: Use liquid liner to draw a dramatic cat eye on your upper lashline, then extend it slightly down the inner corner. With black or grey pencil, trace all the way along your lower lashline, drawing a straight line at the outer edge instead of joining it up. Think like my cat tutorial eye makeup, only a little more simple. Finish it up with very pale pink lipstick, and you’re totally (evilly) glamourous.
2. Natira, For The World Is Hollow and I Have Touched The Sky.
This is makeup that cannot possibly be improved upon.
Natira is highlighted and contoured more thoroughly than a Kardashian. She’s got some amazing sculpted '40s style eyebrows, blush applied well below her cheekbones...and that magnificent eyeliner.
From the side, you can see how truly excellent her liner game truly is.
Not only are her undereye lashes drawn on, she’s serving some SERIOUS cat-eye realness. The drama of the black wing is heightened with white eyeliner underneath, and the end of her brow flicks up ever so slightly.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: I’m not 100% sure that drawing six long lashes under your eyes is exactly appropriate for daily makeup wear, but I love the idea of lining the underneath of your cat eye wing with white (this is also a good way to clean up your line if maybe your hand hasn’t been so steady). Make your black wing a little further in towards your eye than you would usually do, which will leave room for the white on the outside. If you’re using pencil liner, make sure you set it with a white eyeshadow afterwards so that it doesn’t smudge out everywhere. And of course, the giant curls atop your head are optional.
What could possibly top this? OH, OF COURSE.
1. Spock’s bangs, forever and always.
You guys know that I’m a Vulcan, and my people prize their dead-straight, perfectly shiny bangs almost as much as we love dramatic eyebrows. But I can’t think of anyone except Betty Page who did more for blunt fringes than Spock did. And so I proudly salute my hair inspiration by awarding him the coveted (?) number one spot on this list.
TO BOLDLY GO for this look: Bangs are not as scary as people make them sound, and if you’ve been on the fence about whether or not to try them out, I say go for it! It’s getting cooler in the Northern Hemisphere, which means all my autumn babes can test out a fringe without having to deal with Bangs Sweat (a summertime hazard). I’ve written quite a lot about bangs--from a foolproof way to cut them, to their care and feeding--so check that out for more information.