I'm Using This Giant $3 Bottle of Lotion in At Least 5 Different Ways

Rumor has it that Queen Elizabeth I bathed in milk to stay moisturized. Well, that sounds foul.
Publish date:
December 22, 2015
shaving, hair color, cocoa butter, damaged hair, queen helene, makeup remover, body lotion

Anyone that’s been a barista knows the grody wooden hands you get from both burning and washing your hands approximately one thousand times a day. You need something greasy to keep your skin from scaling over — and you’ll need a lot.

I used to plough through $20 bottles of hyper-fancy lotion a week before I got wise.

Because I was not about to ration lotion, I went on the hunt for a good budget option. Cruising for cheap lotion is tough — most is straight garbage. I needed mineral oil in it to keep moisture sealed in, as well as some natural ingredients to actually hydrate.

Before I knew it, I was worshiping at the altar of Queen Helene and her Cocoa Butter Body Lotion — a whopping 32-ounce jug runs about $3.

The scent alone lead to the purchase: buttery, chocolaty and sweet. With almost the texture of a body butter, it's instantly soothing, and at that price, I could practically bathe in it.

What else could I do with a giant jug of lotion? I'm glad you asked. I have a lot of a product to love, so I'm finding other ways to use it!

Wet Set Hair

Water it down (literally) to a 1 to 10 ratio, and spray it on the ends of your hair to wet set. Dry, frizzled ends are a huge bummer — especially after you slept like shit and your neck is all effed up from sleeping on bantu knots. Damaged hair is easier to control and will behave better if it’s moisturized when you are setting it. Trust — the bottom 5” of my hair is 80% thrashed.

Shaving Cream

You know what is ultra-wasteful? Shaving cream. It does what it says, but it also makes a ton of trash. If people could get by shaving without a special can of "Sunset"-scented whipped cream for a few hundred years, you probably don’t need it either.

Ever notice those box cake mixes that boast “Pudding IN THE MIX!” like, oh holy crap, PUDDING is in this cake! If pudding is exciting to you, just eat that, instead of finding cake that reportedly has pudding in it.

Shaving cream is the same way — “Highly moisturizing! Made with a ton of lotion-y sweet lotion!” So why not just use lotion? Works like a charm!

Makeup Remover

If you ever find yourself of the position of needing your makeup off immediately, a 99-cent squeeze tube of The Queen will save your ass. In a pinch, it’s emollient enough to break down even waterproof mascara.

I squidge it around like you would with oil during oil cleansing, then wipe or rinse. I’ve also used it to tone down blush disasters. I swear, I’ll stop putting makeup on in my dark bedroom.

Keeping Dye Off Your Face

I’ve been dyeing my hair for decades now. I always skip reading any sort of directions, naturally, but I ALWAYS apply some kind of barrier to my skin to keep from having weird dye splotches in and around my ears.

I’m currently planning a really badass colour, and since it’s a veggie dye, which happily adheres to skin almost instantly, skipping the slathering around my hairline isn’t an option. The best part is it rinses off with the dye; you aren’t mopping up petroleum jelly later.

  • Do you have a trusty, trashy budget product you love?
  • Are you a Queen Helene lover/hater? I have yet to try that famous Mint Julep Mask!