Oh, don't pretend like you don't have one!
It's candy season! At least it feels like that, with Halloween one week away. The individually wrapped chocolates in the jar on our office manager's desk have gone from the any-other-time-of-year mini size to the standard handed-out-to-trick-or-treaters "fun size" (which really isn't fun for me because I'm trying to resist temptation).
You know what I've never seen in neither the office candy stash nor my childhood trick-or-treating pillowcase? Push Pops. I loved those things! I'm not really into hard candy, but there's just something about the presentation of a Push Pop that made it more enjoyable than regular lollipops.
Take it from these extremely enthusiastic early-'90s kids!
Push Pops are surprisingly hard to find these days! At least that's been my experience here in New York. Blow Pops and fancy, round "gourmet" lollipops? Everywhere. Ring Pops and Bottle Pops (which are a thing, apparently)? Right in front of the cashier at your local bodega. But for some reason, the only place I can seem to locate Push Pops is on staples.com.
So I guess I'll have to get my adorable, slightly phallic push-up fix in a non-edible way: beauty products! (You don't have to feign surprise. This is a beauty website. It was kind of the obvious direction this was going in.)
I've assembled some of the most Push-Pop-esque products I could find (which was easier than finding actual Push Pops), and while they may not taste like strawberry-flavored corn syrup, they deliver other benefits in delightfully retractable "pop" form.
BENEFIT STAY FLAWLESS 15-HOUR PRIMER
This is the latest primer from Benefit, and it makes me wish all primers came in a twist-up block o' awesome. The smooth, peachy-pink stick goes on unbelievably smooth, becoming invisible on your skin.
But even though it's invisible, it helps make your foundation stay visible way longer. Or if you're like me, just wear it without any foundation and enjoy a smoother-looking complexion.
FACE STOCKHOLM GLITTER STICK
Glitter is terribly messy to apply, don't you think? But FACE Stockholm is a genius (well, multiple geniuses, because more than one person works there), because they've compacted it into "a chubby, stick-style solid" that you can use on your face and body.
And honestly, the only thing better than a chubby, stick-style solid is a chubby, stick-style sold loaded with silver or gold glitter. It's basically a magic wand.
DERMATOUCH M.E.D. BLEMISH CLEAR
Get some glitter embedded in your pores? Worry not! This mask-in-a-stick will fix that.
When you spread this all over your face in a circular motion, a blend of glycolic acid and papaya enzymes helps clear and prevent zits. Leave it on for about 20 minute, rinse it off, and you're free to go push up other things.
SOLE GODDESS BLISTER PROTECTION FOOT BALM
Just because the push-pop format is fun doesn't mean it can't be practical. Blister Protection Foot Balm is exactly that.
You just glide it on over the parts of your feet you expect your shoes to mangle, and the blend of beeswax, coconut oil and aloe keeps you un-chafed. Also, it smells like almonds. Oh man, an almond-flavored Push Pop would be awesome!
Anyway, while we're on the topic of feet...
BUTTER LONDON STILETTO STICK HYDRATING HEEL BALM
Stiletto Stick is so massive, it's more like one of those Flintstone Push-Up ice cream things.
There are little nubs embedded in the solid balm, so as macadamia oil moisturizes your dry, grody heels, it also buffs away said grodiness.
Also, it smells like if a flower could somehow grow from soil made of powder. Does that make sense? No? Cool, let's move on to something else that smells awesome.
LUSH SOLID GORILLA PERFUME
For the record, I don't think the word "solid" is meant to describe a gorilla in this product's name. But then, gorillas are pretty solid. I wouldn't mess with one.
Anyway, Lush makes these incredible solid perfumes. The one I have, Breath of God, is so provocatively named because it's so goddamn complex and lovely. I mean, I'm an agnostic atheist, and it made me doubt my doubt for a sec.
It's fresh and watery, yet full of incense--definitely wearable by women or men. (Men like Push Pops, too, last I checked.)
I saved this one for last because it gets ALL THE POINTS. Lush's solid perfumes are actually in push-up form, as opposed to twist up, so you are ten times more likely to accidentally put it in your mouth.
Your turn! Tell me your favorite push-up beauty products. What other types of candy have beauty-product doppelgängers?