Never Buy Drugstore Panty Hose Again If You Were Even Still Doing That

Five easy steps for faking hot legs if you don’t have them. Hot ones, I mean. You have to have legs for these tips to work.
Publish date:
March 6, 2013
nars, shimmer, exfoliation, makeup, skin, body lotions, Soap & Glory, body scrubs, contouring, cellulite, yoga, legs, shoes

One of the best compliments about my body that I’ve ever received was from the douchiest guy I’ve ever dated. He said that I have “legs all the way up to my neck.” I’m 5’8, or 6’2 in my six-inch heels that are almost an extension of my limbs. That also means I’m gargantuan on the side of the world where I’ve spent most of my life.

Fast-forward a couple of years later, and I’m trying to move to LA, where the love of my life (who is the un-douchiest man ever; thank you, J’s parents, for your wonderful son) lives. While the US unemployment rate is at a five-year low, I think I might have to resort to daisy dukes, the aforementioned six-inch heels, and a dodgy corner of Hollywood Boulevard in hopes that my supposedly moneymaking-able limbs would actually make me some money.

If you, like me, are trying to make use of your legs for financial gain, here are some tried-and-true ways to make you look like you have legs for days; or at least make them seem like they’re worth a stranger’s money.


If there were a Queen of Exfoliation, I’d be Her Royal Smoothness. I buff myself to perfection from head-to-toe so much, I’m surprised I’m not just exposed muscle in some areas. My favorite scrub in the world is something I get in Indonesia for a ridiculous $0.35 a tub, Purbasari Mandi Lulur. Traditionally, it’s a scrub used by Indonesian brides for seven consecutive days before the wedding, but it’s become essential to many non-brides now.

If you’re not vacaying in Jakarta any time soon, try Soap & Glory Breakfast Scrub. It smells warm, sweet and moisturizing, and I’ve had to stop myself from devouring it.


Besides the fact that I want to be able to pretzel it up like a circus freak, one of the main reasons I love practicing yoga in a hot room (or outside, when I’m in Singapore) is that, I swear, it diminishes cellulite.

Do some lunges and warrior poses, and you’ll get smoother legs. (Alternatively, do some lunges in a sauna for 10 minutes. That might help before a hot date.)


I don’t need a self-tanner, but because brown skin can get ashy, I slather on some Soap & Glory (yes, them again) Glow Lotion. It has the teensiest bit of shimmer, which is great for a night out, and it absorbs into the skin quickly, leaving a fruity smell.


Think contouring is only for cheekbones? Think again.

I have a stick of NARS The Multiple in Palm Beach specifically for my legs. Depending on whether or not you’re showing off your butt cheeks, highlight the contours of your booty, too. Never say no to things that gives your ass a little more sass!

Then, put on a pair of heels—this will make your calf muscles flex naturally—and then paint the shadows created under your muscles wit h a NARS Multiple stick, or even with a brush dipped in bronzer, or foundation slightly darker than your skin tone.


High heels literally elongate your body, and make your booty look bangin’ amongst other wonderful things. Can’t walk in heels? Pshaw! Practice. Wear them at home while you’re making an omelette before work. And yes, comfortable heels do exist, but that’s another story for another time.

Let me know if these tips work for you, and then tell me which part of your body you think you’d make the most money from!