My Very Best MILF Hair Yet!

Three little tricks you can do right now to hide postpartum (or any kind of) hair loss.
Publish date:
June 23, 2015
hair loss, Not Your Mother's, thinning hair, side parts, postpartum, placenta

"MILF" is one of those trashy attempts at a compliment that is equal parts confusing and gross. "I’d totally throw your melting-candle-looking ass a bone!" Uh, thanks? And I do get the sentiment: a woman whose appearance hasn’t been totally "ruined" by motherhood is basically a saint. The kind of romantic stuff us ladies just mist up about!

When you have a baby, everything is so new, and it’s all happening at once—it’s easy for simple things like your appearance and diet to fall by the wayside. Eventually, things smooth out, and if you’re lucky, your baby starts sleeping through the night, you body stops its unholy sabotage of everything, and you’re out of the deep, murky end of the pool that is having a newborn.

After giving up so much of your bodily autonomy and having people say things like, “You don’t have to worry about how you look," which, you can see in their face, is awful, "you made a B-A-B-Y,” I get it—miracle of life and all that. But I still feel like a frumpy dumpster.

I was thinking about all this as I stroked my fingers through my hair, and a handful of it came out in a snarly little clump.

I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know what was happening; I’d been finding my hair everywhere: on the cats (oh, how the tables have turned!) and my laptop. Everyone told me your hair doesn’t fall out if you have a girl, that the second baby isn’t as bad. To think I’d eaten all that goddamn placenta for nothing.

The very first article I wrote for xoVain was about postpartum hair loss, but scanning through it wasn’t helpful; I had bra-length hair at the time, and now it’s lobbed right above my shoulders. Useless! I grabbed the clippers without any real plan before some other xoVainers talked me down. Well, kind of. Kelly was on board for a buzzcut.

But here are three things you can do right now to make it look like you aren’t going bald.

Boost your roots like whoa.

I’m a big proponent of texturizing powders like Got2B’s Powderful, and they DO work wonders; however, they also leave your hair a veritable rat’s nest, which doesn’t bode well for people who co-wash or wash infrequently.

I recently stole this sea-salt spray from my sister, and it’s quickly become my Holy Grail. (Sorry, John Frieda.) Not Your Mother's Beach Babe Texturizing Sea Salt Spray is SERIOUS business; I initially made the mistake of spraying it all over, which works if you want to look like you actually LIVE at a beach, like under a tarp or something. Applied just to the roots, it pumps them up and leaves you with a coconut-y scent to boot. It isn’t too sticky or weird, and it stands up pretty well to humidity. Most importantly, it adds enough volume and texture to your roots that it’s hard to discern thin spots. Smoke and mirrors, duckies, smoke and mirrors.

Change your part, change your life.

Most of us are pretty staunch about how we part our hair; I’ve long been a deep-side part kind of girl, occasionally utilizing a middle part when I’m feeling frisky. Now that my hair is uber-thin at my temples—especially on the right side—my hair looks sad and thin when I part it normally.

The best part (c'mon!)? No need to "re-train" your hair; the added volume from bending your hair in the opposite direction works in your favour!

Hide it with eyeshadow.

Nothing really gleams quite like a freshly-washed scalp. Whether you have dark or light hair, having your scalp show through can be a bummer. Mine shines like the moon at my temples, making my thin spots VERY noticeable.

However, like a thin spot in your eyebrow, you can use just a bit of matte shadow that matches your hair colour to make it less noticeable. Just dust on a bit with a fluffy shadow brush. Try not to go overboard, and it blends pretty seamlessly.

You can and should take your vitamins, drink lots of water and maybe spring for a cute hat (with or without hair attached), and just be nice to your hair in general. But I’m 0-for-2 with that placenta-eating business, so I can’t recommend that as a hair-regrowth strategy.

  • Have you dealt with hair loss? Any weird tips or tricks, share them below!
  • Have you tried any of the Not Your Mother’s line? I love their stuff so far!
  • Those with babies: did you think about eating your placenta? Anecdotal information needed.