TAKE OUR COINS.
As far as cult products and tools go, I am generally never in the loop, and by the
time I get in the loop, the loop is in another loop. I am perpetually wearing
white after Labor Day, if you know what I mean.
I mean, I did catch on when everyone said sulfates were bad
and when people said ceramic heat styling tools were SO MUCH healthier for your
hair… which is kind of like saying a fire burn is healthier than a steam burn,
One time, fully immersed in an Instagram k-hole (when you keep
clicking on tags within tags and end up scrolling through hundreds of snaps of
some Scandinavian model you’ve never heard of but has a thematically pleasing
account), I stumbled upon a candid snap of Ashley Olson wielding an unassuming
flat iron with some caption saying how she loves using Harry Josh styling
Who is this Harry Josh? Why does he have two first names? Is he the
first member of One Direction to diversity his personal brand and go into
product marketing? A simple #HarryJosh hashtag search cues up lots of model
shots doing the same “I love my HJ ____!” kind of excited caption.
I’ve never had any issues with my Conair Cord Keeper, having
purchased it for its ability to store its appendages within itself (and the $30
price tag). It gets the job done and I enjoy pressing the button that makes the
handle violently whip the cord back into itself. Makes for a really satisfying
But, lo and behold, the day would come when little orphan
me gets my hands on a Harry Josh Pro Tools Dryer 2000. (You know it's legit when there's a four-digit number following the name).
At 300 bones, the
device looks modest enough in a cute mint color and a simple, nearly
throwback, stout shape. Travel-friendly, at least!
It has all the familiar
switches and buttons, a generous length of cord, and comes with two similar
concentrator attachments--flat and flatter. (Yet for the three-figure price tag, no diffuser. What gives?)
I rarely heat-style as it is, especially after having gone
blonde, because my hair is pretty dry normally, so the idea of evaporating
whatever moisture remains seems just plain sadistic to me. But if this expensive
little device promises magic frizz-eliminating ions flying at my head at 80MPH
while I get the fastest blow job on the market (and energy-reducing technology
too, natch), I’ll take it up on that dance.
It’s definitely got a set of lungs on it if you have it
on the high setting. It appears that you can do hot or hotter, and medium or
high speed. Also there’s the ions or
no-ions switch, which should always be switched to ions because why wouldn’t
you? You can’t see, feel or smell them, but I feel like the ions that modern
hair dryers always promise are like hair fairies--they only exist if you believe
Other than the serious gust, the one thing that impressed me was that the cool-shot trigger was indeed a cool shot. Pressing it gave me
cooler than room-temp air in two seconds flat; it doesn’t just NOT heat the air,
it actually makes it cold. If you’ve ever been in a semi-rush and want to style
your hair and then set it, this is a crucial feature, since if you heat-style
hair and then just let it go, the hair will just fall to gravity’s whims since
it’s too warm to hold tight. (Annoying, considering I always finger-dry, and
having to hold onto a clod of hot hair as I let it cool in twisty formation
is a pain.)
Now, does anyone NEED a $300 hair-styling tool? I’m pretty
sure the answer will always be “not so much” because if you’re really that
unhappy with your hair, I urge you to just get a treatment that will cure what
ails you and be done with it.
However, does my hair look fly after my billionairess
blowout? Oh yeah. But that might be in conjunction with my master
finger-hair-twirling skills. Sure was a quickie, though!
Do I feel a little closer to Ashley Olsen for owning the same hair-styling tool? Sure, but she still hasn’t responded to
my tweet: “Thanks for the recommendation,
Ashley--best HJ ever!”