It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I am a pony with only a few makeup tricks -- especially when it comes to lipsticks. My main lippy jam is boring old "mom mauve."
If I’m trying to look a little more sophisticated, I reach for red.
And those are my 2 lipstick speeds. But then I randomly bought a shocking violet-y, true purple lipstick at the drugstore yesterday. I was so intrigued by it that I busted it open and slathered it on myself right in the parking lot.
Man, do I love it!! It instantly reminded me of my favorite (and long-discontinued) bright purple Hard Candy lipstick circa 1996 -- which I FINALLY threw my last tube of away just last year. I had to use a toothpick to dig out the ancient remains. It was beyond disgusting.
The lipstick I bought is a limited edition Maybelline Color Sensational lipstick -- #995, "Violet Intrigue." (I almost grabbed #1000, “Lavender Voltage” as well but I was trying to get out of the drugstore for under $50.00!) I can't find them for sale online anywhere yet -- I guess they are too new? I paid $5.95 at my local drugstore.
I thought I was pulling it off pretty well -- and didn't give the fact that I was wearing intense ultraviolet lipstick in the middle of the day on a Wednesday a second thought until I sat down at a business lunch with a bunch of dudes. I mean children.
The jokes started immediately. To say they “didn’t get it” would be putting it mildly. There were all sorts of references to Grimace, the Fruit of the Loom grape guy and Purple Rain era Prince, not to mention a few questions as to if I’d been “sippin’ on sizzurp.”
I not-so-politely pointed out that all of their references were AT LEAST 20 years old -- McDonald’s has clearly locked poor Grimace up in a company closet somewhere, "Purple Rain"came out in friggin’ 1984, the Fruit of the Loom "fruit" characters originated in 1978, and if your sizzurp is indeed purple, it’s actually called “purple drank” and dates back to the early 1990s in Texas. Lil’ Wayne was way late to the drank party -- as purple drank originated in Houston with DJ Screw and the rise of "chopped and screwed" remixes.
I can't believe those boys I was dining with have the nerve to call themselves comedy writers! And I guess purple lipstick is way crazier than I thought? I didn't even consider that it was odd until my lunch dates went nuts.
When I got home, I did a little web surfing to see if dudes historically hate purple lipstick or something. (I mean, it’s been proven that men hate red lipstick. Wait, I think they love it? Errr, what they meant to say was they are confused.)
I had forgotten that earlier this year, the never-at-a loss for words A$AP Rocky managed to malign both “dark skin women” (his phrasing) and lovers of purple lipstick alike with this ridiculous quote from his Coveteur interview:
"But for real, for me, I feel like with the red lipstick thing it all depends on the pair of complexion. I’m just being for real. You have to be fair skinned to get away with that. Just like if you were to wear like—f---ing for instance, what do dark skin girls have that you know fair skinned girls can't do… Purple lipstick? Naw, that looks stupid on all girls! Purple lipstick, guys! Like, what the f---…"
I honestly had to read that quote about 5 times before I followed what he was trying to say. I guess he doesn’t like lipstick? On women in general? Unless they are a certain color? But maybe he likes red? But definitely no purple, right? I'm as confused as he is. And tell me again why A$AP Rocky is talking about women's beauty?
Where are my shocking purple lipstick wearers at, huh? Do the guys in your life hate it? My dude didn't even notice. But maybe he just values his ability to breathe through uncrushed lungs.
I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison.