Or nature-obsessed science enthusiasts.
I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be with you anymore. I've tried different ways to make it work for us, but I honestly don't know if we're the perfect fit. I tried blow-drying you different ways, using different brushes and flat irons, but nothing has worked consistently. Don't worry, I'll always remember the good times -- washing you in the sink of public restrooms before castings because my forehead was oily, pinning you to the side under a cute beanie, and trimming you myself when I was drunk and shouldn't have had access to scissors.
I love you, bangs, but I'm not in love with you. I know you've done a lot for me since we've been together -- covered up forehead zits, made my eyebrows look cool, booked me a few jobs where the casting details were "Zooey Deschanel types," and camouflaged that weird bald spot I have on the left side of my forehead. I will forever be grateful to you.
I hate doing this to you, bangs. You've never done anything to intentionally hurt me, and that's why it's making this worse. Sometimes you have to evaluate the things keeping you from being 100% fulfilled and happy, and I thought maybe you had something to do with it. I could be totally wrong though, and honestly I've been wrong about things like this in the past. I've started to grow you out many times, but never stuck with it because your willingness to make it work made it harder to move on to different hairstyles. You've comforted me and made me feel pretty, but sometimes comfort needs to be broken in order to know what truly makes you happy.
We've been on some great adventures together -- New York City, Disneyland, and a Drake Concert to name a few. There's no way I will ever forget how happy I was. I've had the greatest moments of my life with you.
I can't help but get jealous when I see other women who are very happy with their naturally great bangs:
Or the most popular woman on OkCupid:
It makes me question what I'm doing wrong and why I can't just let you love me and be happy. I don't know how to be the perfect face for you, and the last thing I want to do is neglect you. You deserve a lot of attention and love, and you shouldn't have to suffer from my indecision of not knowing what I want despite being 30 years old. I can only hope my new hairstyle will bring me as much joy as the memories you gave me.
I love being able to put my hair in a ponytail without worrying what about the stray hairs in front of my face. I think that lifestyle suits me more, and I think it's time to swallow my fears and be the best and most honest version of myself I can possibly be.
In the long run, you don't grow bangs, your bangs grow you. I've also grown so much as a person since we've been together. You gave me confidence and reasons to love myself. It's hard to find someone (I mean something) that believes in you so much that it seems they were put on this planet just to make you happy.
We will both move on. Well, you'll still be attached to my head and I have to look at you every day of my life. But I know where you're going is a happy place, and we will always have love for each other. Hopefully we can meet again when the time is right.