It's gonna get sappy up in here.
Sorry, everyone, but I have yet another post about nails for you. Now, I know the Internet seems to have been contractually required to produce 20 nail-art tutorials per second for the past few years, but I implore you to not freak out or roll your eyes just yet! “Why not, you silly git?” you must be muttering as you prepare to click on the homepage for a riveting IHTM. “Because a beautiful drag queen has shared her magnificent nail art and nail tips with me and I want to share them with you,” I would reply ever so sweetly if I could speak to you ladies and gentlemen through the computer screen.
I recall telling you about Glamorrus Sequeertary a few posts back when I threw together an impromptu Strawberry Switchblade tutorial. She is a talented and tiny little thing with a sultry, red pompadour and the longest, most talon-like nails you’ve ever seen.
When we met for coffee a few weeks back, it was all I could do not to grab her hands immediately to fawn over her Addams Family nail art, complete with a red-pouted Morticia on her ring finger.
The (unfortunately not-overly-dramatized) conversation with Glam went something like this:
“WHERE DID YOU GET THESE? I NEED TO KNOW NOW, PLEASE, THANK YOU.”
“Um, I did them myself with a gel pen.”
“THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE TO ME. ALSO, THOSE ARE NOT YOUR REAL NAILS THEY ARE SO LONG AND STURDY AND SEXY.”
“They are, but sometimes I do my art on fake nails so I can reuse them or sell them. I use Sally Hansen Nail Strengthener religiously. Also, I basically hoard Kiss brand fake nails. And I drew Morticia on my nails with gel pen [Gabi’s note: BECAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING]”.
So, naturally, after I lost it over the fact that she draws portraits on her nails with a gel pen and has offered to make custom made sets to fan kids everywhere, we made a nail art playdate.
The theme for my nails was end-of-summer nostalgia. Glam got to workin’ on beach sunsets, pink sparkle Hollywood signs, and palm trees with Francesca Lea Block quotes scribbled in dreamy cursive.
The results were perfect. I mean, how does one effectively draw miniature lips on a pinky nail without being even a little bit MAGICAL? I sincerely doubt I could recreate anything close to this, but Glam provided me with nail art tips that I’ll undoubtedly use (or attempt to use, I’m sloppy as hell remember) if I ever feel inclined to spend inordinate amounts of energy and intense attention to detail.
Tips for Sexy, Sturdy Nails and Nail Art Doodling:
1. If you want to doodle palm trees or cutesy catchphrases onto your wee hand canvases, use ultra fine tip gel pens. After doodling, air dry your nails for a while, and then apply a hefty topcoat to prevent any smudging.
2. If you’re running out of nail polish, DON’T SHAKE THE BOTTLE. It actually makes little oxygen bubbles in the polish that transfer onto your nails and make them all lumpy and ugly.
3. If your nail polish is getting clumpy and old, try adding a smidgen of acetone to the bottle.
4. Scotch tape is an awesome nail tool. You can draw perfect stripes on your nails if you make sure the underside of the tape has most of its stickiness prior to application. Just tape it onto your skin or pants and remove it a few times and it’ll lose enough viscosity (ooooh big words!).
5. If you use a lot of glitter and you end up waiting for it to slowly erode off of your nails because you’re lazy and glitter SUCKS to remove, try putting an acetone-covered cotton ball on your nail. Enclose your finger in aluminum foil for three minutes. The trapped fumes get all hot and bothered under there, kind of like when you get highlights (the sizzle means it’s WORKING, people), and the glitter and polish come right off. The more you know!
Do you guys have any other nail tips I could benefit from? Do you hate me for posting about nail art? On the other hand, isn’t Glam’s nail art the coolest? Also, would you be interested in seeing us get into BURLESQUE GARB? Because that was our next playdate idea. Tell me everything.