Get Mesmerized By Your Own Face With This Supernaturally Good Illuminizer

Plus, how am I supposed to get attention with my body all covered up?

Sep 19, 2011 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

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I hate fall, and winter, two seasons that require me to cover up my legs and tattoos and wear sensible shoes and basically flat-foot it around all wrapped up and shapeless in frumpy sweaters and coats. And PANTS, god, can you imagine it?

There is nothing for me about winter clothes -- you never saw Bettie Page all bundled up for a snowstorm. NO! You saw her in garter belts and bikinis, contorted sexily, just like I like to be, even in the office.

It was in this grumpy, resentful state of new-season denial that I was wandering around Sephora over the weekend and aimlesly smeared a little dollop of Josie Maran Argan Illuminizer on my face. I could not tear my eyes off myself!

I looked like I was literally glowing, in the manner of a space alien or a sparkly Twilight vampire. See those little twinkly diamond shapes on the bottle? That's what your face does when you use this product.

And since I already knew from Jessica that argan oil is full of international voodoo face magic, I bought it and have been smearing it on my face every morning, when it briefly helps me forget that it will be at least 6 months before I can expose attention-seeking amounts of skin again.

And I am not a beauty editor and in fact know nothing more about beauty than what I like to put on my face and what I learn from Cat, but I want to tell everyone in the world to buy this stuff because it's so good.

Also, how do you look sexy in the fall? And what should my new uniform be now that it's too cold for summer dresses and heels?

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