America The Weird: Makeup Looks For The Patriotic And Unhinged


I love Independence Day. And not just because it’s two days after my birthday so it’s like a long holiday weekend for my birthday/America’s birthday. America and I are both Cancers, so we get along.

The great lengths people go to express their love for the red, white and blue never ceases to fill my heart with maniacal patriotism. Y’all are willing to make yourself look like a red, white and blue Juggalos because you love America so much. And for that one day it is totally acceptable to do this -- the same way it is acceptable to don war paint in your team colors come the Super Bowl.

Armed with a bunch of makeup in our lady liberty’s colors, allow me to demonstrate the pageantry of the patriotically unhinged. These colors don’t run, unless you don’t apply a waterproof makeup sealer!

Patriotic Pointillism

So simple, so demure -- a simple stacked cat-eye with red accent because why not. I used a blue liquid liner (Make Up For Ever Aqualiner #18) to draw a simple cat-eye across my entire top lid.

Then I followed it from the middle to the outer corners with a white liquid liner (Prestige liquid eyeliner in Pop Star).

I dotted red adjacent to the cat-eye flick with Kate Moss’ Rimmel lipstick in 01 and applied it to my lips as well.

Not too crazy, but a step up from a basic winged liner. Bat your eyes for full effect.

Blue Pill or Red Pill?

Let’s get weird with some vaguely industrial Matrix-inspired goopy-chic. Blue lipstick and red eye gloss, yeah why not! Nothing says America the Miserable like moody lipstick and smudged eye makeup.

For the eye gloss, I just brushed some of that Rimmel lipstick on the outer corners of my eyes with a lip brush and then tapped some of Elizabeth Arden’s Eight Hour Cream over it until blended.

I dotted a bit of that Prestige white liquid liner in the inner corners. I don’t know -- I think it looks kind of cool in a “My face is a CGI map” kind of way.

The blue lip stuff is from OCC Lip Tar’s Primary Pack. I mixed the blue with a little bit of black and tiny bit of red (the blue tube errs on the teal side, I think) and painted it on with the brush it came with.

As someone who professionally smears makeup on my face and writes about it, I’ve never dabbled in OCC until now and DAMN if their colors aren’t opaque. It’s like theater makeup or serious club-wear. Only ish with this stuff is that it gets EVERYWHERE. It smears like crazy and kind of bleeds into the lines around my mouth. I mean, I know my skin errs on the dry side, but wearing this blue for the maybe 15 minutes it took to shoot a few photos had me looking like a technicolor Miss Havisham. I assume it is because of its paint-like texture that it flows into whatever tiny canyons are on my face, so if you’re into OCC Lip Tar, consider balming the perimeter of your lips in preparation.

Star-Spangled Harpie

Remember those metallic Flash tats I was sporting last week? Turns out they make great America fodder! I started off this jam by brushing blue eye shadow all over my lid up to a bit past the crease (using Inglot Eye Shadow #46), and then painting a cat-eye with black liquid liner over it.

Then I pretty much just stuck some silver temporary star tattoos on my face and swiped on that same Rimmel lipstick.

That simple. Sometimes instead of makeup, just putting stickers on your face makes a bigger statement. Actually, it definitely does. What is also fun is forgetting that you applied star tattoos on your face and going to a restaurant, super casual-like. Nobody asked. I mean, it was Bushwick, Brooklyn; I’ve seen girls on the street wearing fairy wings.

These may not be for the sophisticated, but frankly life is too short for Pinteresting -- you only get maybe 80 Independence Days in your life! Why not take a cue from an America-loving makeup fiend?