It's gonna get sappy up in here.
My entire life, my eyelids have showcased the inner workings of my circulatory system as if it’s a public matter. And they’re as purple as Aunt Marie’s home decor and fashion aesthetic on "Breaking Bad"!
Like cilantro, everyone’s feeling on them is polarizing, but what’s weird is that MY OWN opinion of them is polarizing. Some days, my lid veins look like beautiful abstract art, mimicking eye shadow in dulcet blue and purple tones. Some days I’m dry-heaving about the fact that I can see my blood circulating in my EYELIDS.
It’s like I have skin made of SARAN WRAP or something. In the "Teen Witch" movie that is my life (except, yeah, I’m still waiting for Brad to come over to “study” so I can dim the lights with scarves and mutter Latin spells), these veins are my anatomical version of an amulet. However, instead of witch superpowers, they are said to indicate psychic abilities.
I’ve never met anyone with veiny lids as pronounced as mine, other than my mother, who’s quite psychic. My psychic abilities are pretty much limited to always winning at Rock, Paper, Scissors and the solitary tale of a time during high school when I had an overwhelming urge to tell my friends to drop me off at home instead of joyriding with them to a football game in my friend’s Dodge Neon. I was in the back seat sitting in the middle (so I could be a part of the conversation with my friends up front, obviously). They dropped me off per my urgent insisting (a total change of plan) and then promptly were in a pretty bad accident totaling the Neon. They were okay, thankfully, because they were in the front and seat-belted--just bumps and bruises.
Had I still been in the car, sitting in the center of the back seat sans seat-belt, I would gone through the windshield. I’m not a very religious person, but I’m extremely grateful that somehow, an actual voice persuaded me to get out of that vehicle by any means necessary immediately; I’d awkwardly insisted out of the clear blue sky that I needed to be dropped off at home THAT MINUTE.
Anyway. The issue? I cannot leave my apartment without priming and concealing my lids so that the world cannot see the aforementioned veinage. And I have to take a medium (not small) concealer brush to apply it to my Donald Trump-levels of eyelid real estate, which takes longer than you’d think.
I have to be careful not to get it too close to my lash extensions (a godsend if you want to look vaguely polished with minimal makeup) or in my eyebrows. The older I get, the more coverage my eyelids need. Even if I’m not wearing any makeup, I still feel like I need a little lid primer.
After years of priming and covering up my vein game, I can tell you with absolute conviction that this list of five is the absolute creme de la creme.
A cheap thrill that delivers in under a Hamilton. This tube comes with a sponge applicator and yields an elegant texture that blends flawlessly.
Bar none, my favorite for making my eyelids a uniform color. It acts as double-stick tape for shadow and doesn’t crease or pill. It’s also super opaque without looking grease-painty.
This is the original that started the eye priming revolution! The anti-aging iteration boasts ingredients to help fight wrinkles and crepiness while it assassinates my purple plasma-ball a la Cameron from "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off" style lid situation. When Cameron was in Egypt’s land…
If you only knew how many of these little pots of genius I’ve bought in my life. This yellow-toned concealer is just as great at disguising dark circles as it is at camouflaging the totally hein veins. The yellow counteracts the blue and purple tones to neutralize my skin.
This one’s easy on your wallet, yellow-tinged to even skin tone and even intensifies the color of any shadow you layer on top of it.
Talk to me: Do any of you guys have veiny lid issues? What are you using to keep your circulatory structure a secret?