It's gonna get sappy up in here.
You guys, I’m worried I have endometriosis. PLUS, I have galaxies of blackheads all over my nose and chin. Let my mid-semester mental, emotional and physical meltdown COMMENCE. I’ll start with the simple skin stuff and save my impending instability for later, though.
I have very enlarged pores. This means that even if I obsessively clean my face (which will dry it out anyway), any smidgen of dirt or grime that accumulates on my skin will manifest itself ever so visibly in these mini facial craters. Let me further put this in perspective: People compliment me on my “cute nose freckles” when in fact they’re just looking at a big ol’ cluster of heinous blackheads. That’s not especially adorable.
If you have similar pore woes, there are traditional things everyone tells us to do to deep clean. For starters, we should be steaming and washing our faces regularly and thoroughly, unlike when I get home from an all-nighter (party or study session? YOU DECIDE) and slap face wash onto my dry face only to then scrape it off with a dingy bath towel.
Which is why, when I feel too damn apathetic and lethargic to give myself twice-a-day face steaming treatments with cucumber facemasks and shit, I rely on a good astringent and the perfect foundation (all found at the drugstore, obviously). The former actually does WONDERS for my pores.
Clean & Clear makes a cheap and amazing deep cleaning astringent that actually works. It doesn’t shrink anything, mind you, but it does effectively clean out my gunky skin pockets. Plus! You can buy a special “sensitive skin” formula that -- I PROMISE -- won’t dry out your skin. I’m telling you, my face usually withers at the touch of too much salicylic acid, but this stuff (along with my Cetaphil Daily Moisturizer, of course) didn’t dry it out in the least. I even use it up to three times a day! It’s blue miracle face juice. And it smells really good too.
My second cheapo skin necessity is Maybelline’s Fit Me Foundation. Not only is it SPF 18, it also has no oils! It’s actually pretty lightweight if you dab it on in small doses. What really won me over, though, is that it blends seamlessly with my particular skin tone. My skin is extremely translucent, to the point where you can see the veins coursing right under the skin, plus it has the slightest greenish-gray hue.
It sounds horrifying, and it can be! But this foundation really smoothes everything out and covers up the particularly striking veins that bulge all blue and ugly near my forehead. I sport a 220 for my weird, veiny, olive-gray skin and the results are awesome. I mean I’ve been going all “bare-faced” everywhere this weekend, which is hard for a girl who just bought two shades of glamorously dark lipstick.
Anyway! I should probably get to talking about what may be a case of hypochondria. OR IT COULD BE ENDOMETRIOSIS. I’m talking one-super-tampon-per-hour kind of misery and cramps that feel like my insides are being ripped apart by that "Alien" worm monster. I mean I barely mustered the energy to pop six Advil (it was necessary) and drive my ass the short trip back to school.
I know I should probably see a gyno, but I’d rather just get diagnosed by you guys. Should I worry? Should I follow Lesley’s remedies and curl up with a uterus pillow pet and “Muriel’s Wedding” (SO GOOD)? I should probably tell you that I can’t go on birth control, either.
Or, you can ignore my health concern and talk about what makes your skin flawless and elf-like. Go!