Depression Beauty: Showering Every Day Is For Happy People

Yesterday, when I was sitting at my desk with my dirty hair in pigtails, oozing smelly sweat into my jeggings, I was aware that I am not looking my very best.

Jan 13, 2012 at 11:00am | Leave a comment

I know it's been a whole 24 hours-ish since I told you guys about my struggles with depression and you probably wish I would just get over it already, but too bad! I'm still depressed!

I did get out of bed this morning, and made it all the way over to ... the couch, where I am currently camped out surrounded by a pile of horrible, overwhelming bills. Who pays their bills when they're depressed? Idiots, probably, and people like me who open a store card every time somebody asks them if they'd like to. I hope the fine people at Macy's are enjoying  my quarterly bonus.

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Anyway, I'm sort of OK as long as I sit perfectly still on the couch here. Like how you don't realize how drunk you are until you step off the bar stool, the real trouble starts when I try to get up and do anything. 

As I told you yesterday, one of the hardest things to get up and do is take a shower. There are SO many steps involved! You have to get a towel, take your clothes off, get into the shower, wash yourself, get out. And then once you've done all that, you're standing there naked with wet hair and then you really have to get motivated.

Hygeine is the worst when you're depressed! Wednesday, I dragged myself to my dentist's appointment, and when I got there I realized I had a huge rat's nest on the back of my head. I think I rinsed but didn't wash, or didn't bother to wash the shampoo out or something. Like, I got in the tub, but then just lost all motivation to really do anything in there.

It probably sounds kind of sexy, but I am not good at hot-mess-chic like Cat is; I just look like that dirty kid whose Mom didn't bother to brush her hair before school.

No, for me, depression is not at all sexy. Alcoholism was for a while in the beginning, when I still put on eyeliner to go to the bar. But yesterday when I was sitting at my desk with my dirty hair in pigtails, oozing smelly sweat into my jeggings (jeggings!) and trying to form my face into some sort of semi-human expression, I was aware that I am not looking my very best.

So I've decided to try to make a little effort today, but a very little, because as you know, I AM DEPRESSED! So here is my depression beauty routine, which I may or may not be able to accomplish. I call it, "Look hot while you wish you were dead!" But that's probably overstating it: We're aiming more for "look like a living being."

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1. Showering every day is for happy people.

Don't even try. In the serious depths of depression, it's just impossible. Instead, spritz yourself all over with some sort of body spray. I use Pure Grace by Philosophy, which smells like soap and water, and consider myself basically showered. Febreze also works, or you can rub yourself with dryer sheets in a pinch.

2. I can see why Britney shaved her head.

She was probably just tired of washing her f&#*ing hair! You might as well ask me to run a marathon at this point. Instead, I just wash my bangs in the sink. I've been using this Bedhead Colour Goddess Shampoo for brunettes and redheads. Get it? Bedhead? Because I can't get out of bed because of my crippling depression! HA! HA! Ha...

Anyway, they are really burying the lead on this stuff, because nowhere on the bottle does it say that it smells amazingly and delightfully like hot caramel. It really does very briefly lift my mood.

If I have any energy left over after that, I will dump a bunch of the All-Nighter Powder from A Beautiful Life Brands on the rest of my head to soak up some of the oil and keep my hair from looking as LIMP and LIFELESS as the rest of me.

3. Fake it til you make it with neon lips.

As previously mentioned, I'm currently into Bobbi Brown Neons -- Atomic Orange and Neon Pink. There's no way I can do full makeup, but a slash of super-bright lip color really does make me feel a little bit better, and hopefully will distract those around me from my complete lack of emotional affect. Sad clowns unite!

Throw on some leggings and an oversize cardigan you can wrap all around yourself comfortingly, and you're good to go...back to bed. No, out of the house! You can do it! What are your beauty tips for when you're too sad/lazy/hungover to put in much effort?