I Got A Brazilian Facial: Plus, Waxing My Friend Franny's Fanny

That's British for lady business by the way.

Oh my god, you guys, I went to Strip Ministry of Waxing for a Brazilian Facial (more on that in a second) and left looking like a sex toy! So while I'm still struggling to clear up the skin on my face, everything down below is better than ever.

When it comes to hair removal, I've tried nearly every New York City waxing spot, and Strip is the one I'm willing to pay for and always recommend to friends. I love how their Soho location is low-key and unisex, and the waxing technicians are super efficient, but still down to chat. Not about dull things like Christmas shopping though; on my last visit we talked about male clients who get hard during waxing and swapped stories about our exes.

Anyway, last week I stopped by for a normal everything-off wax, but afterward I tried something new and fancy, the Brazilian Facial, a skincare treatment designed especially for your lady business. While the name is slightly misleading, aren't you glad they didn't go with vajacial?

I am.

Just like a traditional facial, the Brazilian variety is tailored to your specific skincare needs, like acne and anti-aging. So here's how it works: First, the little metal wand, above, buzzes around your bits, delivering salicylic acid and other good-for-you ingredients. Then Ice Cream, a delicious calming gel, is applied to the entire area. If hairless isn't your look, you can still have the facial done to the surrounding skin. So this treatment works for everyone.

I have to warn you though, that metal device is dangerously similar to a really weak vibrator and I was sort of worried about getting, er, aroused. But it was fine. There really wasn't any overly intimate touching, since both steps of the facial are pretty external.

I don't mean to brag, but when my technician had finished, I really did look porny and desperately wanted to show off. The only person who actually got to see my results was the cleaning lady in the Equinox locker room, but whatever.

If you don't have the extra cash to drop on your private parts, I've come up with a DIY version for a fraction of the price, and I tried it out on my English friend Francesca before we went out on Saturday. I sort of felt like one of those Miami beauty bandits who gives tainted butt injections; it was awesome!

Fran and I met when we were slutty 16-year-olds, but we've been hanging a lot since she just moved from London to New York. She's insanely posh and smells of Jean Paul Gaultier Classique, but she'll still slap a bitch at the club if need be. For the record, neither of us is squeamish about nudity or genitals, so waxing her minge while she chain-smoked Malboro Lights seemed totally normal to us. My friend Marissa was there for support, but she didn't trust me with her bits.

Okay, to get the look at home, all you need is a gentle exfoliating body wash like Neutrogena Rainbath to begin with, and a waxing kit that doesn't require muslin strips.

Sally Hansen Simple Spa Wax Warmer Kit, $20: This is the only at-home waxing system I'll use because it's so easy. Just plug in the little pot and wait until your wax reaches the consistency of honey. Then slather it on with one of the wooden applicators and let it harden. Once the wax is dry, don't over think it: just pull that shit off! When you're done you can smooth on some baby oil if you want, but we didn't do any of that.

I'm can't promise the painlessness of a pro wax you guys, but the final result looks almost as good. And even if you're not putting your smooth look to use, knowing your parts are ready for action just feels sexy.

Now tell me what you do down there, grooming-wise. Is it a year-round system or strictly for the summer or when you're seeing someone and getting some?

Follow me on Twitter @JR_Schott.