Nostalgia Reality Check: Black Lipstick

Even though I was sneaking out to meet boys, drinking and smoking pot, the thing I was always getting in trouble for was wearing black lipstick.

I don't even need to tell you about my goth phase, right? I mean, you can tell from what you already know of me that I was one of those suburban teens Googling "goth fashion" and mispronouncing "Siouxsie" to kids I was trying to impress.

But even though I was literally "sneaking out" by walking out the front door of my house after everyone was sleeping 3 nights a week and smoking pot out of a Coke can bong behind the local Taco Bueno, the thing I was always getting in trouble for was wearing black lipstick. SCARY!

I seriously got called in to the guidance counselor for it! She told my mom she was very worried about me because I was wearing black lipstick and hanging around with a crowd that was very accepting of everyone. I swear!

Anyway, it's not hard to shock people in Oklahoma. If you aren't into black lipstick, you could just wear a scaaaaary gay pride rainbow. New Yorkers are not so easy to freak out. You could pretty much walk down the street screaming and covered in bloody entrails and they'd review it in the Village Voice.

But even without the shock appeal, I've been sort of obsessed with finding a luxe black lipstick for adult me to wear. So I spent an hour running around Sephora trying every goth-y looking shade I could get my hands on and discovered a few contenders: Cat's fave, YSL, makes one called "Noir Laque" which is sort of a deep purple and Tom Ford makes "Black Orchid," which is a bit browner, but I ended up going with "Homegirl" by Kat Von D, which is sort of a mixture of both. Also, that name is possibly racist. I still want to find a true matte black, but the below went on nicely and complimented the shade of my soul well.

You have to apply black lipstick super carefully. I imagine a liner would help, but I'm not a professional makeup artist, geez! I just carefully fill in the whole outline of my lips, blot, refill, blot, and so on until I had some good coverage and then made Olivia take the picture right away before my morning Diet Coke.

Anway, I liked it! A few little kids in my Mexican neighborhood looked at me like I might be on speaking terms with some dark spirits (ask me about the time I made children cry with my devil horns hoodie), but for the most part I didn't even garner a second glance with these lips.

Which is OK, since in the past decade I've learned how to get attention from my breasts like a grown-ass woman instead of resorting to adolescent shock tactics.

If you're going to give this look a go, I suggest pairing it with a very ladylike outfit -- something with a 40s vibe seems particularly well-suited. Or a sweet Peter Pan collar! Everyone will think you're so clever and daring and tell you you're pretty and stuff.

Anyone else still keeping the goth spirit alive with black lips? What shade do you use?