I’ve got a Going-To-Walgreens-For-Some-Tampons-And-Leaving-With-50-Dollars-Worth-of-Playboy-Fragrances problem.
Publish date:
August 29, 2012

Honesty time again. I have a drugstore addiction.

I’m talking Going-To-Walgreens-For-Some-Tampons-And-Leaving-With-50-Dollars-Worth-of-Playboy-Fragrances kind of bad. And it’s draining my account more and more even though it's already pretty drained to begin with! Regardless, the incessant shopping has also led me to drugstore product soulmates, which I will gladly introduce you to.


The Cetaphil Daily Advance lotion has totally advanced my skin. DAILY. I used to have that complexion that sat somewhere in between incurably chapped and relentlessly greasy. The more I washed my face, the drier it got, AND YET more and more pimples would sprout. It was so terribly upsetting and I went all through high school without ever attempting to fix it because I’m a maniac, but CETAPHIL, oh Cetaphil! It gave me what an xoJaner referred to as “magical elf skin.” Even though the lotion is kind of oily, it actually hydrates my skin enough so that it doesn’t have to spout out the nasty bad kind of grease that gives me major zits. You might have to dab some of the resulting shininess off with a tissue, but TRUST in Cetaphil. I sound like a weird infomercial. ONWARD.

CREST 3D WHITE: “Glamorously White” Toothpaste

After years of relentlessly subjecting my pearly whites to wine, cigarettes and coffee, the poor things were in dire straights. Then I shelled out 5 bucks for this toothpaste and BAM! Unbelievable change. Like within two days. Magic! I was AT LEAST one shade lighter within the first week.

NEXXUS SALON HAIR CARE: “Pro-mend, Split End Binding Crème”

This ish is the bomb, especially since my hair is Barbie Doll crusty right now. It’s so dry that after washing my hair for the first time and feeling it without the effects of magical salon creams, lotions, and sprays, I kind of freaked. But this stuff has helped a lot! It claims to repair 92% of breakage. I don’t know if it does all that, but I do know that if I put it in after I shower, my hair doesn’t look like a big yellow tumbleweed anymore. And it feels super soft.

Similarly this L'Oreal Everpure hair mask has done wonders for my hair's sorry state.


In middle school I was all glitter and vanilla musk. Guess what? I still am! But a lot of drugstore body sprays (especially musks) can leave you smelling like a sticky lollipop and not like a freshly bathed beach goddess taking a break from her yacht-based life. This stuff is what I spray on everyday after I shower and I smell awesome for hours (slant rhyming FTW). It’s light enough to make you feel fresh, but heavy enough so that people constantly lean in to smell you. Which is something I love, I guess? Incidentally I spray it into my unwashed hair and it totally fools people. Cool!

OLD SPICE: ”Swagger Deodorant”

Yo, I don't care if this stuff is meant for bro's pits only. It smells awesome, lasts forever, and actually takes care of my particular brand of sweat stank. I really wanted to use that light, powdery Dove shit because it smelled equally as awesome, but it did not get the job done. Plus after years of making out, I found the part I enjoyed most about the whole ordeal was that BOY SMELL. It’s all about Old Spice, baby. Now I’m my very own dreamy teenage boy. THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.

Finally, L’OREAL COLOUR RICHE: “Velvety Fuchsia”

This lipstick is the perfect blend of gloss and color. It’s so soft and pretty and I look like a whimsical fairy doll every time I use it. It does need to get reapplied a lot, but since it’s so light, I can do it without looking. It’s the perfect summer color, which is cool because summer is almost over. I’m the best beauty contributor ever!

So there you have it! My tried and trues! I do need your help on one thing though. Every once in a while I have a cystic zit problem. You know, those zits that never have a white head, they just stew under the surface and hurt like Hades? HELP ME AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO. This Clearasil Acne Treatment Cream ain’t doing shit for me. I read somewhere about using honey, and I like that whole holistic hippie approach, but will it work? Discuss.