I Have All The Coolest Beauty Products...And Never Use Them

For me, the thought of getting out my face steamer and using it is akin to climbing Everest. In a snowstorm. Naked.
Publish date:
January 15, 2014
shopping, products, stuff, Pinterest

Do you find that you spend money on cool beauty products or gadgets that you know are good, (or supposed to be, according to magazine/online buzz) and instead of actually using them, they just sit there mocking you?

I’ll pin hairstyles on Pinterest all day but when it comes to actually trying out one of them I'm all "Waah! I don't have time! I have to deliberate over 2 different outfits, only to wear the one I started with. Can't you see I'm busy?"

For me, the thought of getting out my face steamer and using it is akin to climbing Everest. In a snowstorm. Naked.

Examples of my current past failures:

  • My beauty steamer -- It requires leaving my room to fill the cup with water. Repeat: It requires leaving my room.
  • My dry body brush -- That lasted a week.
  • My microdermabrasion kit -- Should probably replace the brush heads... I said last year.
  • My Wilkinsons Quatro trimmer -- The way I still use my Venus razor.
  • Rosewater -- What was this even for? My hair?!

Something that strikes me about all these new products and gadgets I seem to try isn’t just the waste of money but the sheer time they take up. If I’m buying them online, then Googling the reviews (which never help me yet still convince me to make unnecessary purchases) and tracking down the best price always takes much longer than I anticipate.

Although, trying to find them in the shops can take years off your life. The amount of time I’ve lost in Selfridges is frankly shocking. I always vow never to go again but I always end up going. Especially since they have a MAC counter there.

I liken a MAC visit to stopping by IKEA, or trying to do anything at your local HSBC. You think it should take 10 minutes, (after all, you’re only going there for one thing) but your day is gone. I hope you had breakfast because forget about lunch. The only thing you’re dining on is your own tears. Nothing’s left when you’re shown that you’re using the wrong shade of foundation, you really do need that lip liner to match that lipstick and what do you mean you don’t use concealer? You animal.

The thing is, despite how tiring the whole beauty product cycle is, I never learn. Even as I type this I'm eyeing my Amazon Wish List which, quite frankly has reached frightening lengths. I mean sure, a leopard print professional make-up box sounds like a good idea, but there’s no way I'm unfolding all that stuff in the morning. Let’s face it, my make-up will continue to be strewn across a study desk it was not intended for. That's OK, there's a steam roller set I've had my eye on anyway.

So why do I do this? Maybe it’s my subconscious’ way of telling me that I don’t need all this crap. Maybe this is my "Eat Pray Love" moment and in between bites of pizza Julia Roberts is telling me to find my bliss. But I doubt Idris Elba is available to go unicorn-riding with me on such short notice.

Even as I type I’m thinking about this lipstick sealer I heard about; a clear gloss that’s meant to prevent lipstick from smudging?! I want to give whoever made this all of my money. And I just geeked out over a beauty product whilst complaining about how tired I am of them. You see my problem?

Never mind the fact that the most recent beauty items I tried messed with my skincare routine and made me break out. I’ll still try out some new stuff in January. Of course, by that I mean I’ll order some face masks which promise to shrink my pores or zap my blemishes or some other such nonsense. Then I will have no idea whether it works or not because I’ll use it once and it’ll spend the rest of the year sitting on my desk, untouched. I’m looking at you "Dead Sea Mud Mask," you filthy liar. The sheer amount of mud that claims to be from the Dead Sea! I treat it with the same skepticism I reserve for "airbrush effect" foundation and "false lash" mascaras. Why don’t I just set my money on fire?

When it comes to my skincare routine, maybe I should return to the products I used to have that worked much better than the current "these’ll definitely work" products I have now. The student in me wants to stick to them, just so I get my money’s worth, but she makes bad decisions about cheap vodka so I don’t listen to her.

Sure, the products that I have don’t seem to work now but perhaps they would if I actually bothered to use them twice a day. Sorry but stuff that has to be used twice a day immediately makes me switch off. I’m in awe of people who have a night-time routine; these wondrous creatures that exfoliate, moisturise, and throw on an overnight mask once a week. My night-time routine is simply gathering the will to get up and turn off the light. It has a 50 percent success rate.

Am I the only one out there who has beauty product fatigue or has the "New Year, new you" mindset got you prepared up to try out new items and gadgets?