It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I have never loved a woman like I love the legendary Miss Britney Spears. From childhood, all the way to what they’re trying to convince me is “adulthood,” it has always been Britney. I know you agree. Britney is the pop star. Now in 2013, we’ve reached the point where all those other lessers on the charts have been influenced by Britney while they were growing up and starting their "careers." In a roundabout way, we have Britney to thank for everything that’s on the radio today (for better or worse, I suppose).
Britney running out to get a Frappuccino is more important than your fave’s entire existence. The shoes Britney decides to wear are more culturally impactful than anyone else’s greatest hits collection. Sure, some girls are selling out world tours with just the power of their name alone, but Brit had a spinach salad for lunch yesterday!
My all time favorite Britney is “Slave 4 U” Britney. I remember my first time hearing “Slave.” It was in a friend’s dark basement, as soon as the song had been released, all the way back in 2001. That thumping, sexy, Neptunes-produced beat wriggled its way through my tween body, and immediately threw me into a writhing, panting frenzy, from which I have not yet recovered.
And then, there was the video.
I just -- GOD. This is one of my favorite videos ever made. That BODY. That choreography! Those outfits! My favorite look is the hot pink top with matching arm scarf and underwear on the outside, which, coincidentally, is what I am wearing this weekend. Candid alert!
It’s worth noting that her beauty look in this video is more dramatic than it had ever been up to that point. This is, of course, with the exception of the dark, coppery lipstick she wore in the beginning. Brit had always kept her look subtle, with a light pink or nude lip, pink cheeks, and a little liner and mascara. Nothing big, just pretty. The was the girl next door, remember? WAS. But we’ll get to the makeup in a second.
WOW, WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY is that “Slave 4 U” Britney has always been my muse.
Oh, except, remember her "Circus" era?
I do, too.
Every time I get my hair cut, my hairstylist asks me what I want. And every time, I tell him “I want hair Britney's from the Slave 4 U video.” I never get what I want, but I try. Here’s how.
According to the director of the video, Francis Lawrence, this video is supposed to be set in “an abandoned Asian bath house.” (Does that not make sense to anyone else? I digress.) The environment was supposed to be “extreme heat, really, really, super humid,” so naturally, Britney isn’t exactly looking all that fresh.
And thank god! Sex hair is the best hair. Britney’s ultra piecey, heavy blonde locks can easily be achieved by using Bb. Texture (Un) Dressing Crème.
Work the crème into damp hair, starting at the roots and working your way out. The crème is matte, so it provides effortless looking texture without appearing shiny and overdone. The texture also has a nice way of adding hold, but it doesn’t look crunchy or like hair that’s been soaked in product. The cream is great to use when you style, this is a great place to start if you're looking for your hair to have a little more grip.
Britney’s hair doesn’t exactly appear to be bouncy in the video, due to the intense heat and all, so if you’re really going to the “Slave 4 U” look, take your favorite argan oil and work in at the tips of the hair, scrunching a little to work the oil up a bit. If you’re afraid to add oil to your already unkempt hair, you might try Organix Moroccan Argan Oil.
I’ve tried a lot of the hair oils on the market, and I like some way better than others. The old standby, Moroccan Oil, is my favorite, but Organix makes a nice, inexpensive option if you’re a beginner and want to test drive an argan oil without making the full commitment. The Organix oil is light and won’t totally weigh your hair down, while still giving it moisture and giving it a nice sheen.
Oh, and speaking of oil, like any good pop star, Britney is slathered in baby oil all the way through this video.
Yes, the heat of the bath house has taken a its toll on poor Britney, and she is sweating one out in a big way. Hey, at least she’s detoxifying!
Britney’s body looks great as it is, but with the help of some oil to keep her looking constantly moist and contoured, she looks even better. I understand that we can’t all go around everyday sexily baring our midriffs, but we can take another note out of Brit’s book and oil up, immediately making us look more sexual.
So one morning, I was in my friend’s swank ass bathroom, and I sneakily started to peruse the products he had, as I do. I saw this unassuming bottle of body oil! Shifty eyed, I popped the lid and quickly slathered a ton of it all over my body, before any of the guys started yelling that I was taking too long in the bathroom.
Tynan Sinks: Beauty Thief.
I spent the rest of the day slinking around, subtly touching myself (not like that [but like that]) feeling how soft my skin was. The lightweight oil is fragrance-free and absorbs into skin quickly. Okay, I know it’s OIL, but it doesn’t leave you looking greasy or “I’m A Slave 4 U Sweaty” at all, but almost just as good. It’s not an illuminator, either; I figured I’d give you guys a rest from those, for once. Your skin just looks a little bit more glowy, radiant, but naturally so. It’s REAL, REAL pretty, trust me, hunnies, and it’s perfect for these summer months when we’re all clavicle and shoulders and boobs.
But back to Britney’s bold beauty.
Leaving behind subtlety and going for something a little more eye catching, she brought it hard with a seriously smoky -- no not smoky, smoldering -- eye.
Blink and you’ll miss it because Brit’s hair is all in her face throughout the video, but it’s there. There are even rhinestones! Obviously there are a thousand ways you could recreate this look, and more power to you! But here is an all-in-one to help you pull it off in no time!
Britney’s eyes are heavy on the blues, and this kit has every shade you need! This really isn’t rocket science since the palette gives you a gradient from white to light to dark. If I were you, I’d start with taking the white and filling in and highlighting right under my brow. Then, I’d cover the lid with lightest blue, fading it into the darker and then filling in the crease with the darkest blue, blending all the way! And probably using a better brush than the applicators they give you. But you already knew that.
What's your favorite Britney look? Are you excited about her Vegas residency? Who is your pop star muse? What's your favorite music video? Let's talk in the comments!
Tynan is stanning for Britney on Twitter: @TynanBuck.