It's gonna get sappy up in here.
My tolerance for gender norms is inconsistent, coming and going in waves, although usually going at the topic of hair removal. I once engaged in an extremely passionate argument with a guy on the taboo of female body-hair and bikini waxes. At one point during my conniption I screamed something along the lines of, “Why don’t YOU go to a salon, have someone spread YOUR butt open, and wax YOUR literal butt crack?!”
While I could (more eloquently) debate against society’s modern standards of beauty, the principles of heteronormativity, and confining gender binaries until my lungs collapsed, sometimes I just… don’t . Basically, I don’t want someone to tell me how to express my femininity, but I sure as hell love expressing it. Sometimes, all I want is to glue on fake eyelashes and dance around my apartment to Fifth Harmony. Sometimes I’m in the mood for feeling unapologetically stereotypically feminine, and want to indulge in everything pink and glittery.
There are a few beauty products and rituals that never fail to make me feel happy and pretty on my girliest of days. Let’s start with the most obvious…
Long Fake Hair
Naturally long, thick, healthy hair would improve my quality of life. I don’t even care that long hair attracts men because it’s a sign of health and fertility or whatever -- I just like using curling irons and experimenting with fishtail braids. If my current shoulder-length hair suddenly grew to the middle of my back, I would never shed another tear. Until that day comes, I will suffice by attaching someone else’s hair to my head in the form of clip-in extensions.
Clip-ins are a game changer for commitment-phoebes. The hair itself is lightweight, comfortable, and easy to maintain -- the polar opposite of painful sew-in weaves. My extensions take 15 minutes to attach and style, blend with my hair color and texture perfectly, and can be washed/reused repeatedly. I recommend you New York gals check out the RPZL extension bar in Manhattan. My appointment took less than an hour because I chose not to have my hair blown out -- I just had my extensions trimmed and curled.
The RPZL salon itself is gorgeous (I mean they bring you glittery Baked By Melissa cupcakes and have iPads for customer use), and also s pecializes in other forms of extensions like keratin and tape. I think beautiful hair is the key to feeling hot - I freaking love swinging my hair over my shoulders for no reason.
Long Fake Nails
I do not have long fake nails at the moment, but trust me -- oh trust me -- I WILL. I recently ordered a set of ombré almond shaped nails. Very Lana Del Rey, no? ASOS carries an amazing assortment of Elegant Touch nails, which normally do not ship to the US. (This fact is upsetting, because I have yet to find attractive almond shaped press-on or glue-ons in the drug store.)
I find that DIY faux nail manicures cause less damage to the nail bed than the traditional tips + acrylic powder set. They are also less expensive, require less maintenance (no fills), and can be removed by soaking the nails in acetone.
Looking At Pictures Of Other Pretty Women On Pinterest
Occasionally I’ll sit on the couch, search “Rihanna” on Pinterest, and scroll through hundreds of pictures. Sometimes I’ll get creative and switch up the search phrasing, like “Rihanna long hair,” or “Rihanna street style.” I’m also in awe of Our Queen Beyoncé (obviously), Ashley Madekwe, Christina Milian, Draya Michele, and even Karreuche Tran. You all probably think I’m so creepy, but I’m just fascinated by their makeup, hair, outfits, and nail lengths. It doesn’t matter who I’m creepily ogling, photos of beautiful women makes me feel prettier by association.
You know how for a while in The Vampire Diaries, the spirit of every supernatural fatality passed through Bonnie and she could feel the pain of their death? Something very similar happens to me when a person says they don’t like body glitter. I convulse and scream at the top of my lungs.
Not only does body glitter reflect the light and make you look like a fairy, but strategic highlighting can also make your legs look slimmer, and boobs look bigger. I love the atomizer on the Body Shop Sparkler, I feel so fancy puffing clouds of shimmer onto my collarbone. Freaking Oprah likes the Omorovicza Gold Shimmer Oil -- probably because it’s moisturizing with a daytime friendly light-reflective sheen.
Posting Thirst Traps On Instagram
I’m honestly tired of discussing how damaging selfies are to one’s psyche. Instagram likes are validating, no matter how badly you don’t want them to be. They are also a great indicator of which followers would like to plant their seed in you.
Victoria’s Secret Body Lotion
Suck it, maturity. I’m regressing, and cannot understand why a human would want to smell like anything other than vanilla and peonies. I swear -- everyone wants to cuddle me when I wear Warm & Cozy, AND FOR GOOD REASON. The scent is sweet and long lasting, and smells like my freshman year of college.
I picked up this pair of matching body lotion and body spray (holy crap, remember when body spray was a huge thing?) on the way to the register of the Victoria’s Secret Pink store. They had a two for $25 sale, okay? I was stuck between this scent and Love Spell, which I also re-purchase regularly.
Shaving And Then Rolling Around In Fresh Sheets
Rolling around in cool sheets with freshly shaved legs is like being reborn as a smooth and slippery porpoise, gliding through a sea of silk.
So, I want to know – what makes you feel happy and girly? Is it your intelligence, nail polish, or watching S Club 7 music videos on repeat?
Creep on Courtney’s Twitter and Instagram @courtneypizza