I'm a comedian, a writer, and an editor -- the order in which I list these occupations varies day to day, depending on which occupation brings in the most filthy lucre. My debut memoir, "Agorafabulous!: Dispatches From My Bedroom," is out 2/14/12 and you can order it here. I host a kickass podcast called Sex and Other Human Activities over on Cave Comedy Radio (it's also on your iTunes.)
What I Do, Job-wise: I write write write and tell jokes on stages (sometimes on teevee) and also I edit things (not this sentence, obvs.)
What I Do, Fun-wise: Scheme, in a benevolent fashion.
My Motto: If you're breathing, you're winning.
My Anti-Motto: I'll sleep when I'm dead.
The First Movie Star I Ever Had A Crush On: My eighth-grade crush on Keanu Reeves was so intense that it blotted out all who came before, and most who came after.
My “celebs to make out with” list: Patrick FUCKING Stewart.
The Most Played Song On My iTunes: "Dog Days Are Over" by Flo & her wacky Machine
Last Book I Read Without Skimming Any Parts: "Born Standing Up" by Mister Steve Martin
My Most Worn Item of Clothing: American Apparel black leggings. Thank you, Dov Charney, you bewhiskered scallywag.
Beauty Products That I Hoard: Bobby pins. I've got a bunch of curly red hair that needs taming at all times.
I smell like: Old Spice deodorant, because I started using it on account of it smelling sexy to me. Then I realized it smelled sexy because it smelled like hot fresh dude, and that I therefore probs only smell hot to the gays.
I Have Faked An Orgasm (Yes/No): Yes! Many times! Though I don't think anyone else should. Haven't done it in awhile. And if you're reading this and we've had special times together, the answer is, "No, never with you."