I have a handful of male Instagram followers that follow me for no feasible reason other than I'm probably their physical type. I'll post nothing but dog photos for two weeks and hear nary a peep from them, but as soon as I post a selfie, they wake up from their Insta-slumber and double-tap.
I'm cool with that. A "like" is harmless. It's when a total stranger comments on a cleavage-y photo with a gross comment like "Me likey!!!" that I get a little bit of the heebies with some jeebies thrown in for good measure.
That's why, when it comes to following guys I think are cute (I'm human!), I double-tap in moderation and almost never comment; and if I do comment, it will have nothing to do with their appearance, because the "like" says "You're hot" far less creepily and desperately than actually typing "You're hot."
There are a several guys on Instagram that can elicit a "like" from me almost every time I see a post from them in my feed. And while they often earn my double-tap just for being cute, as with any crush, I see ever so much more in them than just a pretty face.
Some are definitely not single, and at least one is definitely not straight, so it's safe to say my Instagram crushes will very likely go unrequited; but it's not like I follow them in hopes that they'd notice I like their photos and fall in Insta-love with me. (Do people do that? Like, adult people?)
Daniel "Cloud" Campos has truly earned the first spot in this list. He's adorable, sure, but he's also one of the most talented, charismatic people I'll probably never meet. In addition to being a hugely successful dancer and director, he's turned his Instagram account into a visual effects experiment.
Bobby Hicks is more or less the hottest hipster on Instagram, so it only makes sense that he is madly in love with one of the most gorgeous bloggers around, Keiko Lynn. Together, they are an adorable force to be reckoned with, and following them gives me hope for the future of outfit assemblage.
Bobby and Keiko apparently live in my neighborhood, and both have gotten tattoos from the artist who did my most recent tattoo, Becca Genne-Bacon. As if he wasn't already cute enough, one of the tattoos he got was a panda wearing cat-eye glasses, surrounded by flowers and underlined by Keiko's name. I mean, come on.
I know from Matteo Lane's standup routine that he's not into the ladies, but that hasn't deterred me from being utterly enamored of him. Aside from being hilarious and handsome, he is an unbelievably talented illustrator.
His account is worth following for both pictures of his adorableness and of his phenomenal artwork.
Chris Blundell, a London-based filmmaker, followed me on Twitter for some reason, and when I saw how handsome his avatar is, I was like, I would like to look at additional photographs of this human. So I followed him on Instagram.
Chris is currently making an 8-bit pixel animated film called "The Hit Squad," which I will watch, at the very least, because I like listening to British accents. (He does, like, four of the voices.)
Sean Mackin is grandfathered in; I had a huge crush on him in college, and I still think he's adorable on Instagram. We became friends at Florida State University, and 19-year-old me let him know on a pretty regular basis that I would like him to be my boyfriend. Then he went off and became the violinist in Yellowcard and got married and survived cancer and had a baby, giving me more than enough time to get over my in-person crush and develop a much more platonic digital one.
His Instagram is a joy to follow, and it lets us stay in touch after all these years.
Ever since I saw Karan Soni as Charlie in the "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven" AT&T commercial, I was charmed by his comedic delivery. I'm a sucker for a funny dude.
In one of the latest installments in his AT&T campaign, he suddenly reminds me of my nephew, which is weird, so my crush has turned into more of an "it would be nice to be acquainted with you" kind of thing.
Another funny cute dude, comedian Micah Sherman is perfectly capable of being super-handsome in his natural state. However, his Instagram is especially awesome because he's committed to a shtick: seemingly blinking in every photo.
I am also a fan of his beardiness.
Speaking of beardiness, Jeffrey Buoncristiano has become one of the most celebrated beard-owners on Instagram, partly because it's majestic and partly because the areas of his face that it doesn't cover are really freakin' good-looking.
If he looks familiar, it may be because I mentioned him in my article about beard envy/adoration. And I'll probably find a way to work him into a future article.
All of these guys are, obviously, much more than just their Instagram accounts, but I enjoy getting a superficial peek into their lives, and I think they enjoy their followers' enjoyment. Isn't that what Instagram is all about? Why do I feel like a group hug is in order?
Anyway, who are your biggest Instagram crushes?