The only thing I know about Canada is that Associate Beauty Editor Hannah lives there, and, now, that the Bank of Canada (real original name) is fighting counterfeiting by releasing plastic 100-dollar bills.
I already know all about plastic money -- see my monthly $300 auto-payment to First Financial Bank for greater evidence. (Speaking of which, if I were to walk into a room filled with all the purchases I am currently paying off, it would be a sad and shameful day. Oh hey there, weird mannequin I bought off Ebay to decorate my first post-college apartment! You look cozy there with all the bags of cocaine I cash advanced.)
But what got me interested about this, let's face it, snooze-arific story, is that there's a damn lady on that Candian money! She's not a real lady, just an archetypal "researcher" in a collage celebrating innovation in science. Look at her, with her little earrings and her microscope, innovating away!
Why don't any of my once-mighty American dollars have women on them? (Although George Washington and Lady Science do kind of have the same kicky little bob.) I mean, Alexander Hamilton -- that guy's famous for a peanut butter commercial! Andrew Jackson? Slaughtered native Americans. How about Salmon P. Chase, former U.S. Treasury Secretary pictured on the 1o,000-dollar bill? Sounds like an a-hole to me.
Who wants all those solemn old white dudes glaring at them when they're making it rain at Whole Foods or dropping cash on a morning-after top from Forever 21 because its the only store open at 9 am before work and I FEEL BAD ENOUGH without Thomas Jefferson giving me the side-eye like he never kept/impregnated slaves.
My point is, it's the year 2011, let's get some women on our money. It's good enough to shove in our G-strings, after all. I nominate Dolly Parton.