Everyone had to wear hazmat suits and gloves to enter the room because they didn't know the degree of my contagion.
Thankfully, there are no actual worms involved.
You’ll wake at 3 a.m. with a throbbing clitoris. You’ll rush to the bathroom, and your relief will be mixed with toe-curling agony.
But hey, at least you're not reading this from a lice salon.