I’ve written before that dudes never believe me when I tell them I like football and that I’m constantly told to “prove it.” Clearly, the only reason I would bother spending thousands of dollars on season tickets, skipping weddings and baby showers to watch games, and not being able to get out of bed after a big loss is because I’m trying to land a guy.
I mean, what’s hotter than a snot-faced girl who blows off her friends and can barely afford to pay her rent, right?
But guess what? It’s not just single girls who are watching sports to “impress” men. A new study published in the journal Communication, Culture and Critique says that wives are mostly watching televised sports as “a way of maintaining their relationship with their husbands.” \
Which makes zero sense married ladies because: You’ve already got the ring! You don’t even have to put on makeup or give blow jobs anymore because, hello! You’ve accomplished the only thing that every woman in the world is trying to accomplish: MARRIAGE! So stop pretending to care about sports and just crawl back in bed with your box of bonbons and your romance novels. Your work here is done.
All joking aside (for one paragraph only though), don’t worry if you actually just like watching sports for, you know, enjoyment because the study is more or less (read: more) TOTAL BULLSHIT. I can say that with authority because of this little nugget:
“Study participants were between 26 and 43 years old. Of the 19 women, 15 had children at home. The sampling included one black and one Latina. The rest were white.”
Oh, and they were all in heterosexual marriages.
So, you know, super official.
That being said, I think we should all start doing this. Creating official studies based on… well whatever you want them to be based on! Here, I took four minutes out of my day and did a few for you:
Study says: Hand jobs are not a real thing.
Study says: Saint Bernards are the cutest of all dogs.
Study says: The 49ers are actually America’s Team.
Study says: Mayonnaise is gross, but Miracle Whip is delicious.
Study says: No one should ever ask for a ride to the airport. Ever.
Study says: Guys who don’t pull hair are terrible in bed.
*All studies based on sampling of one white, heterosexual, single woman. Who just happens to totally be right.
Those brilliant and thoughtful studies aside though, it is frustrating that there are people out there who seem hell bent on proving that only men are truly able to be entertained by sports. Mostly because they're just plain wrong. Jezebel covered this same topic and pointed out, “A 2011 survey found that 42% of the NFL's fan base are women. Almost half of major league soccer fans are female, 46% of Major League Baseball fans are women, and 37% of NBA fans are ladies.”
So what I want to know is: Do you watch sports? Which ones? And most important: WHY?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more very important studies to conduct. Starting with one about whether or not a girl should ever date a guy who likes her rival team. Spoiler alert: Not unless you enjoy fighting. Or are a better person than I. Which, yes, I get it, you are. You probably also like mayonnaise though.