YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: My Girlfriend's Sex Drive Has Died

Am I a fool for worrying about this, or a fool for wanting to stay with her?

Aug 12, 2013 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment


I live with a wonderful girl. Aside from being a tad annoying while intoxicated, she's creative, compassionate, emotionally uplifting, funny, and trustworthy. Does she support me and care for me? More than anyone ever has. Can I trust her? I really think so, although I've been in very emotionally abusive relationships and have some lovely abandonment issues courtesy of my father, so trusting ANYONE is a struggle for me. 
In the beginning, our sex life was amazing. I know it sounds cliche, but I really felt like we were "making love" and so forth. You get the idea. 
And now, it's just severely reduced. Like, seriously seriously reduced. I know that somewhat of a decline is normal, but this seems out of the ordinary. I have talked to her about it, and she just says that sex isn't that important to her and that she has "weird feelings" about it that cause her to not really enjoy it. She tells me that she was never assaulted or anything; she just feels more concerned with other things in life. 
I don't understand how to wrap my head around this situation. She has now told me that because our drives are so mismatched, she wouldn't have a problem if I wanted to just have casual sex with other women. I don't think I want to, though. I want to be with her. I am comfortable and accepting of open relationships, polyamory, and so forth (my best friend is poly), but I don't think it's really right for me. 
Am I a fool for worrying about this, or a fool for wanting to stay with her? 
Please help me. In my last long-term relationship, we had a very good sex life during most of our three years, but everything else about that relationship was bad. I fear that because of my abusive past, I don't know what's "normal," and I need some outside opinions. 
Thank you for listening.
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